does my thoughts match with you?

Old Guy Joined: Nov 6, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-04-01 15:21:14
	I’m feeling anxious and need to say this to someone. Tomorrow is my 2nd appointment with my new therapist. I don’t want to see her because I feel it’s just going to go nowhere. I want her to be like my old therapist. I want someone I can trust and pretend is my friend. I don’t want to be abandoned. I hope I can keep from cutting before I go in. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I want to be normal but I feel so strongly that becoming normal is an impossibility I don’t even want to try. I think that maybe I just have to drink and cut to survive. But I hate just surviving. I need someone to trust. I need a guide. I need help. I thought that psychotherapy might have helped. But now I feel that I’m not fixable. It is all so frustrating. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have kids. Also some cuts on my leg aren’t healing very well and my leg and ankle are all puffed up. I’m supposed to see a doctor about that tomorrow as well. I’m embarrassed to go because I went to the doctor for the same thing on my other leg last month. I’ll look like a dumb s**t for not properly taking care of my wounds. Well this is just a rant. I hope posting it will give me courage to not cancel out on my appointments.
Miss Joined: Apr 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-01 16:13:13
	>>The worst part is you can never really seek help because it gives you a shameful and weird feeling to express yourself in front of others. Besides it's tough to believe whether one can really help you. -often i don't seek help because i don't even know what i want, what do i ask help for, i can never express myself and i don't believe anybody out there could understand me when i don't understand myself either. I can SO relate to this!! Exactly how I feel!
Miss Joined: Apr 1, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-01 16:28:07
	>>The worst part is you can never really seek help because it gives you a shameful and weird feeling to express yourself in front of others. Besides it's tough to believe whether one can really help you. -often i don't seek help because i don't even know what i want, what do i ask help for, i can never express myself and i don't believe anybody out there could understand me when i don't understand myself either. I can SO relate to this!! Exactly how I feel!
Old Guy Joined: Nov 6, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-04-02 15:17:16
	Miss >>often i don't seek help because i don't even know what i want, what do i ask help for, i can never express myself and i don't believe anybody out there could understand me when i don't understand myself either. Boy you got that right. That's exactly how I feel. I told my therapist that today and it floated about as high as a lead balloon. I felt so bad about not knowing where I wanted to go that I just got up and walked out. I don't seem to be able to trust these people. I'm in the s**t house now because my docs found out I not taking my meds and I've been kind of hiding that fact. I think my time in therapy just ran out. I'm so frustrated about not knowing what to do. I hate just surviving but I can't get motivated to do anything but just survive.
elisafauzana Joined: Aug 27, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-04-02 18:35:35
	what med are u on oldguy? not knowing who we are, what we want is the worst things can happen to a human being. can't help ourselves and can't seek other's help. and then life sucks as no one understands us when we don't understand ourselves too. we are so confused and we confuse everyone around us. when i go to work, at times i will be kinda cheerful and full of energy-so people will be happy with me and so does my employer. then come the day, suddenly i shut down. for no reason. then people won't be happy with me and my employer will be pissed off with my passiveness. i shut down not only of sudden depressness. there will be sudden paranoia that people hate me, sudden confusion of what to do and what not to, sudden inarticulation- doesn't know what to say when. all of the sudden, all these sudden things happen. and it all combine to make a sudden stupid me.
joymed25 Joined: Mar 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-04-03 09:14:07
	Hi, today I visited a psychologist. She told me that I am masochistic i.e. one who loves to get hurt.
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