I'm Borderline but I Don't Cut...

Ginnyawe Joined: Mar 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-03-22 13:34:48
	Ok, so I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety at the age of 18. I'm now almost 30. Through the years, I've had my major ups and downs with being Ok and being NOT Ok. In 2008, when I was 28, I was diagnosed with BPD. I don't understand it and others don't either. I never really had a lot of friends in High School and my parents never understood and still don't. Having BPD is like being in a nightmare everyday of my life. It's just getting worse. I really don't like people and I really don't like people that don't understand what I'm going through. I know a lot of people with BPD cut, and try to hurt themselves. I don't do this. I don't want to hurt myself, I just want to get better. My biggest concerns are with relationships, my anger, my intense mood swings, and pushing people away. I have 3 therapists. I have the Dialectical Behavioral Workbook which is extremely hard to go through alone and I've been on Klonopin for the last 4 years. It's the only pill I can tolerate as I'm highly sensitive to meds and SSRI's don't work on me. Any other Benzo doesn't work either. I've tried them. I've tried a lot of things. Klonopin is what they first gave me when I was 18 and it's what I've stuck with. So, my question is, how do I deal with this? How do I make my family understand this since they want to avoid this situation, and how do I lead a normal life not acting out when I don't get my way? I also have a hormone imbalance which doesn't help matters, but I seriously believe I have gotten this by genetics. I am certain my Father has it but will never admit it because he's too proud and my Mom tells me I am my Father's daughter. I'm just like him in a lot of ways, but is that genetic or is that upbringing? I think it's both. All I know is I don't want to be like him. I love my family, I do, but I can't be around people that aren't going to be supportive and want to try to understand what I'm going through. What to do??
Old Guy Joined: Nov 6, '09 Status: Junior User	2010-03-22 15:39:05
	DBT is meant to be used in a group setting with one-on-one follow-up. Ask your therapist what's up with going it alone
dvdsereni Joined: May 19, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-20 05:28:26
	I feel the same. I do not want to hurt myself, just get better. I am already 35, I have been to psychologists since I was 18 and only now I was diagnosed borderline and will have to start a process... I always thought my mood swings were reasonable until a certin incident happened and then I lost most of my friends. I don't feel lonely, I have moments I frantically look for friends (online, calling everybody I know) and others I just want to be alone. Nobody knows I am BL only they think I am over-sensitive and unpredictable. At my work, I am a model of stability - but there too it is a facade because I waist hours on depressions etc., and I have to catch up in the weekends or nights - but I always get things done and well...
Stolenbyfaeries Joined: May 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-20 08:37:46
	I am BL and bi polar myself. The mood swings are rather unbearable many times. I cycle rapidly. I used to cut, but haven't in over a year now. I find some relief from the rage and outbursts through running. It allows me to zone out some and calm. I have a hard time with family and friends ,they don't understand my outburts. I manipulate to get me way often. BPD's can be very hard to understand for others in your life. I put on my happy face and hide my depression in public, so I function to a point. Wish I had better advice for you .
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-20 09:40:32
	You all talk of being misunderstood by family and friends and then you talk about how you use them by manipulating them to get your own way and have a tantrum when u dont get it. These are very childlike behaviors,those closest to you have been on the recieving end of your disorders for as long as you have had them. They may understand you more then you think and it is yourselves that are misinterpretating them. dvdsereni posted a question about reparenting therapy and this works on taking responsibility for yourselves and helping yourselves because at the end of the day who are we left with but ourselves.x
anonthemouse Joined: May 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-20 10:28:28
	My dad called the psychiatrist I went to last year an idiot and said it was just teenage angst. Yeah. Something about that says he doesn't understand.
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-20 10:39:51
	So tell him you want to see another one.? Do you think you have a problem with your behavior? x
anonthemouse Joined: May 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-20 19:39:19
	Do I think I have a problem with my behavior... Hmmmm... Are you being sarcastic or do I need to be sarcastic for you? I'm bpd with schizophrenic symptoms thrown in. I'm just dandy
ireland Joined: May 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-21 03:54:22
	So you dont want to challenge you disorder or help yourself or get the most u can out of life whilst accepting yourself for who you are? x
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