Thread Topic: So I'm avoidant
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The Silent Hero
Joined: Nov 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 07:39:54 |
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The description of avoidant disorder really just summarized all the things I've been struggling to describe about myself and why I can't reach out and meet new people. It's pretty much all true and I hate it. I'm tall, black, and often appear cold and uninterested to people when I first meet them. I'm think I'm a nice guy, but only after I've loosened up to people. I have some good friends on my floor, but even then I can't just go up to their door and say what's up. There's this very pretty girl who I've learned shares a lot in common with me and is in five of my classes. I know we would have a lot to talk about if only I could find the strength to start a conversation. And it's so frustrating because I can't find it in myself to get over my fear of embarrassment or rejection. How can I just be spontaneous and forget about the consequences? I'm aware of my problems enough to write them down but I seem to change. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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The Silent Hero
Joined: Nov 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 08:02:55 |
| btw...I am 18 turning 19 in a few weeks. Second year university. | |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 09:32:27 |
| Forcing yourself to do it is extremely difficult but that is the only way through. There is no way to trick yourself to be social | |
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Jeanine
Joined: Nov 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 09:45:20 |
| Do yourself a favour. I use facebook to keep in contact with my friends. To keep numb on ur phone isnt good cuz phones get stolen. Internet cant get stolen. If u write it down dont loose it keep it at ur home nt the hostel. Dnt wake up late like me, get to know as much as possible. | |
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The Silent Hero
Joined: Nov 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 16:37:42 |
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Thanks for giving it to me straight, yeah I know it's extremely difficult. Not sure what I wanted out of this thread, as the solution is pretty much what I knew. |
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Logic Rules
Joined: Nov 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-10 19:27:08 |
| Don't just forget about the consequences. That would be stupid. You said you loosened up to people before, relax and you'll be fine. It's not a job interview, just talk to the girl. | |
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disorderguy
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: Admin |
2009-11-10 20:15:36 |
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Silent Hero, there's a school of thought that says people who are excessively shy must force themselves to be in social situations and be willing to make fools of themselves over and over until the anxiety fades. I am willing to say that's probably a good tactic, however there's one problem: many true Avoidants simply cannot bring themselves to do it. And other people really don't understand that. Social situations, risking making a fool of oneself... these things trigger a powerful, instinctual fight-or-flight response in an Avoidant (emphasis on the flight). Personally, I am not sure how to overcome this instinct. Rational thoughts are no match for it. |
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mariana
Joined: Oct 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-15 17:32:21 |
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i feel EXACTLY the same. and i'm 19, turning 20 in a few weeks... disorderguy: thanks for mentioning the fight-or-flight thing. that's exactly what happens everytime i'm in a social situation. i desperately want to be able to relax and have normal conversations with people, but i just can't... and you're right, rational thoughts are no match for it. I've never been able to put my fear aside and just open up to people, but one thing that sometimes makes me feel better is just thinking to myself "it's okay to be quiet". I'm not a talkative person - there's nothing wrong with that. And even though this doesn't help me overcome my problem, it at least helps me feel comfortable with the way i am. |
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The Silent Hero
Joined: Nov 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-19 12:44:41 |
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New development, my roommate got taken away because he was "at risk" i.e. suicidal...I had no idea and more importantly I thought I was had it bad. Really makes my problems with utter social ineptitude pale in comparison. |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-19 13:11:16 |
| Did you know that if your roommate kills themself you get a perfect 4.0 GPA for that semester? | |
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observer
Joined: Nov 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-19 13:22:02 |
| Hi there, Silent Hero... have you tried reading your post again, replacing "can't" with "don't"? To me, you CAN actually do these things, and will do them once you decide you really want to. | |
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observer
Joined: Nov 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-19 13:24:15 |
| Also, I found some of the ideas on [no urls] both useful and thought-provoking while I was trying to psych myself up for making friends. | |
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observer
Joined: Nov 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-19 13:27:00 |
| Hmmm, this site deletes URLs. Try using a search engine and looking up "succeed socially" for a uni student's guide on how to make friends when you are scared of doing so. | |
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erinro
Joined: Nov 13, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-19 20:28:12 |
| I found group therapy for social anxiety really helpful. It gives you strategies for dealing with those negative thoughts that pop up when yr in a social situation so that you can kind of ride the anxiety and stay present... | |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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