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lostandscared
Joined: Nov 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:14:25 |
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Hi this will probably come out in a jumble and not make sense as im just writing my thoughts as they come. Im 21 years old and im at a loss. I have suffered depression before and managed to fight it for a while. But recently things have got worse. Im the most depressed i have ever been- i cant stop crying and thinking of suicide. A lot of this relates to a paranoia I have developed over the past 5 months. I am often convinced that people are talking about me, spreading rumours and laughing about me behind my back- friends and complete strangers.For example Recently i got chatting to a guy through work and he asked me out on a date- i found out is a friend of my ex's ex who i had a few problems with quite a while ago. I am convinced that this is some sort of set up to embarass me. I have had many situations like this and i cant distinguish what is real and what is in my head anymore and no longer want to go out and socialise. But this feeling has only recently occured in the past week, also due to another situation that im SURE actually happened where a bloke i was saying i thought was nice looking and knew hit on me on a night out but i KNOW this was just to take the piss out of me. When i realised this i had 2 go to bed for 17 hours as i had a major panic meltdown at the thought of everyone laughing at me about this. I couldnt breathe and had a knotted stomach. What im confused about is iv been depressed before so understand that, then this quiz said i had a very high level of avoidant disorder which i can relate to the symptoms. But i also had a high level on the histronic disorder and i can relate to those aswel. As i am always so concerned about my appearance and comparing myself to others and my worth as a person due to looks manly. I have used sex as a weapon many a time to eother make me feel better or give me power. I feel that if i am not pretty i have no worth. This has even caused me to have a prison sentance due to theft as i stole money to try and have the clothes, make up, hairstyles and life that i thought would make me accepted. I am so susceptible to other ppls suggestions and cant say No or be truthful for fear of upsetting someone or not being accepted. Iv started getting obsessed with computer chat even to ppl i know but not well because i can be sum1 im not- but as soon as they suggest meeting up or anything i cant. Therefore i dont really know whats wrong with me, i have all these mixtures of things and i dont know how to cope with them. And the depression is making me ask myself what is the point? To live life going through all this s--- over and over again to just die? I know no1 here can diagnose me and make it all better- I spoke to a friend for the first time 2day altho i didnt tell her everything it was a start and i am going to talk 2 my mum tomorrow to make a doctors appointment but i just need to know if ppl undestand what im goin through? Thank you for any responses and im sorry this has been so long. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-04 16:39:06 |
| I understand what your going through | |
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Jeanine
Joined: Nov 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-06 10:04:42 |
| Yea i also feel my inlaws are gossiping and my sisterinlaw is turning ppl against me. Dnt meet strange ppl over the internet unless accompanied by pref a sister or smwhere safe. Go c the doc about ur suicide thoughts. | |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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