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mugatu5000
Joined: Oct 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-22 21:34:11 |
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So apparently I have this little personality disorder and to a high degree; apparently “very high.” I think this is just one of the MANY things wrong with me. I also received a “high” rating on “Obsessive-compulsive” and “Dependent” but I think that’s bs. I wish I could have a one-on-one with a therapist because those questions weren’t really “black and white” for me. So yeah, I don’t think I can be labelled as purely “avoidant” as I’m pretty sure I’ve got a couple more screws loose up there lol. I don’t come off as jittery, twitchy, anxious weirdo in social settings. I think I’ve mastered the art of deception lol. I make just enough eye contact to show them I’m not afraid of social confrontations. I chuckle enough (forced chuckling) during the party to not be seen as the sulky loser in the corner but don’t chuckle loud enough to be overheard amongst the chatter. I do just enough to convince everyone I’m not a miserable freak. I do just enough to make sure I don’t attract attention; a loner brooding in the corner attracts just as much attention as the “attention whore.” And after the party’s over, I run away. I run as far as I f---ing can (metaphorically of course lol) to a lonely place. But I hate being alone, but it’s just easier to be; I use energy to keep up a facade. I’m not sure what the hell is wrong with me. |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 2 hours ago |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-23 00:04:17 |
| Yeah I know whatyou mean by "using energy to keep up a facade", thats exactly waht I do. You're not restricted to any one label or disorder or forum, just keep your mind open that you may or may not have a certain disorder, I also have several different problems like mood swings and the avoidant/shyness and amorality, etc. dunno why I'm this way or what exactly is my problme or even if I have real problems, but for now I'm keeping an open mind. If your school has counselors they have free one on one counseling, unless your not in school of course... but sometimes it helps so should try it. Sorry I know my grammar is really bad right now but its late at night and im getting sleepy .. anyway I wanted to say you have a lot in common with me eespecially with the trying to blend in and not be noticed but its all pretending.. | |
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wowu
Joined: Sep 30, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-23 05:40:27 |
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yeah, most of the jokes during parties is boring and you just laugh politely... Don't you people have a delusion of problems? Or maybe rather a compulsive exaggeration? On and on - as long as you haven't brought your corpse to the psychologist - you are just oversensitive about several things - mugatu. Mugatu5000 that is |
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mugatu5000
Joined: Oct 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-24 18:34:14 |
| Oh man fantasy, having only one problem would be a lot easier lol. And as for wowu...huh? I have a "delusion of problems"? I'm sorry. I'm stupid and don't understand your metaphors. Please explain in a simpler format. Thanks for your response :) | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-24 21:54:28 |
| He's saying you think you have problems when you dont. | |
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mugatu5000
Joined: Oct 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-25 19:24:16 |
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Hmm, that's what I thought. So I guess you think I don't have a problem either? Wait this is weird. Now it seems like I'm upset because I DON'T have a problem. What's up with that? But yeah, I just wanted to know if other people are like this; people who pretend that everything's okay and they're perfectly relaxed to avoid attention, but on the inside, they are restrained and terrified. |
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lostandconfused
Joined: Oct 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-26 06:40:39 |
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I'm really curious if I really fit into this group. This is my results though. Disorder Rating Information Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Moderate Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High I hope there would be someone there who actually understands how I feel and all. I started to have a fear of talking to people around 2 years ago and this problem doesn't seem to go away no matter what I do. I start to drift away from people and do not like to talk to them due to decrease self-esteem. I also noticed a change in speech when talking to people as I find it difficult to maintain eye contact when talking to people. I often feel tired and sleepy even when I've gotten sufficient sleep most of the time. I've actually suspected that I have depression because my mum passed away 3 years ago and I'm not sure if that issue triggered me to behave this way. I'm already getting 'known' to the fact that I should move and carry on with life. However, quite often, I still feel depressed not mainly due to my mother's death. It is mainly due to me and my friends around me. I'm not sure if it is me being paranoid or what, but I can sense that they think that I'm behaviouring weirdly or awkwardly. I do not intend to behave this way too. I'm very troubled over this issue and have thoughts of committing suicide. After my mum passed away, I do not have anyone close whom I trust to confide this issue to. And because I have doubts whether this issue is caused by depression, I've actually consulted a GP. He gave me some medication to take. Initially, things start to get better for a certain period. But after a week or so, the same problem came back again. I seemed to have lose confidence in myself and restrain myself from people. This problem seems to be on and off. I do not know what to do next.. Help.. ): |
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mugatu5000
Joined: Oct 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-26 21:54:14 |
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Hey lostandconfused. Sorry to hear about your mum. Were you only able to talk to her? And I can totally relate to the whole "avoiding eye contact" scenario. I had that really bad like 3 years ago. Lunch times at high school were BRUTAL. I had to sit with a group of bullying, pompous pricks. Luckily they didn't pick on me though. But anyway, I couldn't for the life of me make eye contact for too long. This guy would be sitting across the cafeteria table talking to me and I couldn't manage to maintain eye contact for more than like 5 seconds. Between those short periods of eye contact, I would pretend as if my sandwich was doing something interesting and turn my attention to it in order to momentarily avoid their gaze. And speaking was almost as bad. my god. My cheeks are normally a reddish tint but they're prone to change colour when in nervous situations. So anyway, whenever I just wanted to say something, my voice would usually lower and somehow become inaudible and then those jerks would respond with a "what" and then my cheeks would start to "glow." I would feel this swelling, uncomfortable feeling of heat through my head. One guy at the table once said my cheeks turned purple! lol Currently, I think things have changed. Eye contact isn't such a sonamab---- and I have improved my speech. I don't really know what happened to make me overcome those difficulties. I got a little part time job working at pizza pizza and I guess I somehow changed over there. Lol, yes my advice to you is work at pizza pizza. Umm, I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe I just realized it wouldn’t be the death of me if I made eye contact for too long or maybe it was just that I overcame my fear of eye contact through those trials of serving frustrating, hungry customers craving pepperoni pizzas. Not sure. I just know I overcame it. I also improved my speech. I now take time with talking. What I do when I’m approached is to firstly just take a breath of air and relax. I take my time to enunciate and yeah, that’s how I’ve improved. Things aren't so great for me yet. I just know that I "surpassed" that level of social insecurity and don't worry, maybe you will too. Maybe it just takes time. |
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lostandconfused
Joined: Oct 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-27 05:26:38 |
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Hi mogatu5000, thanks for your advice [: But I think ur issue is slightly different from mine. I think yours is due to you being shy and all? But I think my problem is not that I'm shy. I actually used to be a out-spoken person. But now after my mum passed away, I start to develop this problem of drifting and avoiding people. I lose interest in people around me and hate the way I am now ): I have low self-esteem and find it hard to maintain eye contact cus I think I have problems concentrating ): Do you think I should go see a GP or counsellor to clarify my doubts about this problem or sth? :/ |
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mugatu5000
Joined: Oct 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-27 19:52:59 |
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So you were only able to talk to her? I honestly don't know how that would feel since I've never really been close to anyone and as a result have never felt the pain of losing someone close. Definitely don't "sth" up. You sound troubled and I imagine losing someone is never easy. Definitely try the counsellor idea. They're completely non-judgemental and talking freely with someone who actually knows what they're doing is really helpful. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 14 days ago |
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