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hidey0urloveaway
Joined: Oct 7, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-07 00:01:28 |
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I took the personality quiz and scored "very high" in AvPD. I knew from before I clicked "more info" that everything it said would be correct. I'm going to try and cover everything I feel and everything that is wrong with me (or that I think is wrong with me, anyway) and let you guys tell me what you think. I already know that I most certainly do have AvPD, I guess I'm just looking for someone to relate to. I've known since I was 11 years old that I was different. I hate to use different because it is so cliche and over-used. Different describes someone who has an unusual personality or talent or look about them, and I know that many people suffer from AvPD so I don't quite know how to explain myself. Anyway, I'm 15 now and I've never been like other people. I feel like my entire life has been one big front. Honestly, I don't know who I am. I'm a HUGE people-pleaser and I know that I constantly put on a happy, optimistic front to keep other people happy. I never talk about my problems with my friends but am always the one being walked on and expected to handle every problem they might have. Anyway, I put on a front and because of that front, I've lost sight of who I am and what to do to better myself and my life. It's confusing, and really, I don't know how to explain it. My self-esteem has always been low. I don't think highly of myself at all. Often I find myself unattractive and I'm always telling myself that I will NEVER be good enough. This is all because of my AvPD. I am extremely, extremely socially inept. I cannot start a conversation to safe my life, and god FORBID I keep one going. I never approach social situations because I often fear I will "creep" the other person out, say something absolutely dumb, or bore them to death. I avoid parties I am invited to if I know people I don't know well are going to be there. I absolutely dread being in partners at school with people I don't know because I know I won't be able to think of anything to say. I keep the same people close to me (the few I am comfortable talking to and can hold a conversation with) because I know how impossible it is for me to make new friends. Because of this, I've always lacked much of a social life. I have one best friend who is the exact opposite of me. She's beautiful, eccentric, friendly, outgoing, and loves social situations. I am jealous of her. But because of her blossoming social life, I am often left out of the equation because she obviously can't just tie herself down to spending time with me and me only. I have other friends at school but I've found that I avoid hanging out with them outside of the classroom because I fear I will bore them or they won't want to hang out with me at all after the first time. There have been times where I've been FORCED into social situations and found that they weren't half as bad as I originally thought. That should comfort me and make me more open to doing things, but it doesn't. Every single time I'm faced with meeting new people or talking people, I avoid it, no matter how much I KNOW that if I just tried, things would be fine. It just really sucks for lack of a better word. I feel like I will never be good enough for someone because of all my damn problems. My self-value or self-worth or whatever is at it's lowest and I don't know how to fix something that has always been so prominent in my life. I guess I just need someone to relate to or to hear from someone who has gotten themselves out of a similar situation. |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 2 hours ago |
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wowu
Joined: Sep 30, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-07 04:38:19 |
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hey You are fifteen - so you are growing up - and many people have this problem but they overcome it a bit after some time. You said that when you had to be in a social situation it didn't feel so bad. I believe that personality disorders are the 'adult problem' - I mean - you are growing up and got some problems. If you won't solve them well, or won't solve them at all you will have personality disorder. Anyway - it is important to try to meet people. I know by myself that the more you wait with this - the harder it gets. If you are not an emo - always covered in self-pity, you must be a really nice and pretty person. So don't be shy and mind that there are so many people who, when talking with you may feel the same - just thinking 'hope I don't look like an idiot. Is he/she liking me or I am already boring.' And so on. peace |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-08 13:16:32 |
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Hello, I know what you're talking about, I always carefully avoid offending others, often I'm a pushover, although I can get real stubborn. I hate social situations, live it at that, I just don't know how to talk to people. Even here in type I sound awkward. But anyway, it is true what wowu said, talking to more people helps, although it never really improves how you feel inside it reduces the nervousness and awkwardness. You learn to say cliche things that everyone else says so you don't sound as awkward and weird as before. Anyway, Wowu is right about you - you sound like a very nice person. even if you're "emo and covered in self pity" cuz I'm all emo and covered in self pity too. xD Not all of what Wowu said is true: imo personality disorders don't always come from conflicts from growing up or from one's inability to solve problems. I think other things contribute as well, like genetics and your parents and your experiences. But the gist of what Wowu's saying - that you CAN help yourself - is true. Don't lose hope, cuz you really sound like a wonderful, deep person. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 14 days ago |
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