Help please.....

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Thread Topic: Help please.....

screaming Joined: Nov 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 06:32:48
	I just pretty much ruined the one friendship i had. I've always had a problem with not giving people what they want even i if i dont want to give it to them. My friend hates that about me. so he asked me for something and I tried to wiggle my way around it and he asked why i just couldn't tell him the truth, this continued until he said to just forgget it and now i don't know what to do. i really need some help i don't want are friendship to end.
Kastanjehat Joined: Nov 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 07:04:27
	Is it because you don't like giving people what they want, or do you have another specific reason for not wanting to? If you don't like it, I think you should tell him that. (not sure I'm being helpful here...)
screaming Joined: Nov 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 07:13:23
	no i try to always make people happy and give them what they want and he knows that but depending on what people ask theres things i don't want to do but i try to because i want to give them what they want but with him if i do that he gets made because he doesn't like making me uncomfortable. He knows i don't want to hes just pissed because i never tell him that and i don't because i just want to make him happy but it doesn't and i don't know what to do and im having an episode and i've been crying and...im going overboard
Kastanjehat Joined: Nov 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 07:24:05
	Okay, sorry I misunderstood the first... now it makes more sense. I actually have the same problem, but I had a friend who took a little advantage of that.Sorry. I'm probably shouldn't be giving advices, but if he's a friend you can talk to about your feelings and such, maybe try that... that's easy to say, I know..
screaming Joined: Nov 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 07:31:04
	thank you for the help
ella Joined: Jun 13, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-21 07:51:17
	I'm exactly the same like that. I always want to give people what they want ALL the time, i feel bad if I don't. You should deffinitely tell him that you need your friendship to keep going, because that might make him more understanding. Also, think of it this way: if you always want to give people what they want, then get into the mind set that what he really wants you to give him is the truth. All the time. So no matter what else he asks from you, always try and give him the truth. Not sure if that helps or makes sense, but good luck anyway.
screaming Joined: Nov 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 16:51:06
	thank you ella and it does thats acctually kinda what he told me lol
blackmonster Joined: Nov 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 17:24:47
	I kill animals for fun. I still have friends even though they know I do this.
screaming Joined: Nov 20, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-21 18:19:49
	Im not really understanding why you told me that...like hunting or like cats and stuff?
jaderunes Joined: Nov 28, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-28 07:09:30
	I think taking some assertiveness classes might help you. That way, you can learn to not give in ALL the time, but take into account reasonable demands other people put on you. Other people who aren't shy (or whatever) have this same problem, more so dealing with personal family relationships. You said your friend only wanted to hear a yes/no answer; maybe you fear he'll reject you if you say no? With good friendships, both parties realize they're going to piss each other off now and again and be able to deal with the aftermath with some new healthy boundaries involving the situation they were fighting about. This would be a great opportunity to talk to him (again, if you think it'd help) and start focusing on what you both want.
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