This breaks my heart..

Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-16 18:43:48
	I am a freshman in college and today in my General Psychology class we learned about personality disorders. Everything my professor said about Avoidant personality disorder seemed to match me perfectly. For the past 5 years I have wondered what is wrong with me. I have no friends and I'm painfully shy. I'm even extremely shy around members of my non-immediate family. I hardly talk to them at family gatherings. I have an extremely difficult time having conversations with people. I feel so hopeless. I think I feel another episode of depression coming on. The sad part is, I don't even care. I almost want to be depressed. But at the same time it is really scary because during my last episode I had almost constant thoughts of suicide. All I want is a friend. Why is it so hard? I stumbled upon this site when trying to learn more about Avoidant. Reading all of you guys' posts makes me feel better that I am not the only one. For a long time I just thought that I was a freak or something. But at the same time, these posts break my heart. Reading what you guys go through made me cry, especially the posts from some of the younger people. I remember what it was like to be 14 and all alone. It breaks my heart that other people are going through this. I am very sensitive and when I see other people suffer it hurts me. Whenever I see a loner at school eating alone or something I want to go sit with them and try to become their friend. But I always chicken out because I know that it will be awkward and I won't know what to say. If anyone has read this, thanks for listening.
fantasy Joined: Jul 28, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-11-16 18:48:16
	Would you like to chat with me sometime? I get lonely and I always want someone to talk to.
Shelless Joined: Jun 18, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-17 01:38:23
	Yeah, I know how you feel. That's all I have to say, really...
bebopie Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-17 01:45:05
	welcome to the forum, nice thing is there is almost always somebody to talk to my son is a sophmore in college and he has the same traits he has never been diag either. he never had any friends during school as his mom i was concerned but the school just told me some were shy, he has a really hard time meeting people and his freshman year was really bad because he is a home boy and went to a big college. stayed in his room there are you confortable being by yourself?
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-17 10:33:21
	bebopie, I'm comfortable by myself, sure. But I'm tired of being alone. I've been alone for too long and I always yearn for someone to hang out with and just talk to. Has your son had any luck making any friends at college?
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-17 10:37:26
	fantasy, Sure, I'd like to chat sometime :)
bebopie Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-17 10:45:04
	no trail he hasn't, he has switched schools once and thought that would help he seems to feel the same way you do very comfortable being alone with himself but i can tell he wants a friend not a bunch but one good friend would be nice have you been in any relationships as far as boyfriend/girlfiend
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-17 10:55:13
	I have been in 3 relationships. With me, I tend to like to have one really close friend. The only guy friends I have ever had, I ended up dating. But as a child I was extremely afraid of the opposite sex. Not until my sophmore year in high school did I have a guy friend (or even talk to boys). My last relationship lasted about a year and he ended it. It has really torn me up. I was so close to him and never thought that I would lose him. Now, he doesn't want anything to do with me. It has been 6 months since the separation but it still hurts terribly. I blame myself too. I feel like my problems have caused this and even though he told me it's not my fault things had to end, I know that it is. I don't like having a lot of friends, usually just one close one. But that creates problems when your one close friend wants to hang out with a group or do things with their other friends.
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-17 10:59:27
	Has your son ever been in a relationship? Did he have any friends in high school?
bebopie Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-18 04:00:28
	he didn't have any friends in school. only one when he was in second grade and that boy moved away. he had a girlfriend last year, for first time, i think it was good yet bad, he didn't really know how to act. he liked the friendship and all but felt pressure from others to get closer. which she ended up getting from someone else. she was younger than him too by 4 yrs and that he didn't like that well, made it harder yet. that was the first time he had ever kissed a girl lol,
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-18 17:19:15
	:( I wish your son had better luck making friends. Being in college makes it especially hard, too..
bebopie Joined: Nov 1, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-19 06:13:14
	trail-what part of the world do you live in
Trail_of_Tears Joined: Nov 16, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-19 10:36:34
	I live in the U.S. What about you?
Berry Joined: Nov 3, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-19 14:14:29
	How did your relationships start? I'm curious, because i have never been in any relationships and i'm too shy, although I, too, am tired of being alone. (I'm 17)
psychoanAlice Joined: Oct 19, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-19 14:17:36
	you will eventually. i didn't date anyone until i was about 19. then when i was 20 i thought i was so experienced and my gf was like 'i'm tired of being a 22-year old virgin' and went home and slept with a guy she didn't know just to get rid of her virginity. i thought it was so sad, partly because i had done something similar and regretted it.
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