Do you have a hard time having conversations with people?

Vespertine17 Joined: Nov 14, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-14 03:06:24
	I'm a teenage girl and I have a hard time with making friends and maintaining the few friendships that I do have. I believe this is because I find it really difficult to hold a normal conversation with someone no matter how hard I try. It’s usually strained with awkward silences. I find myself breaking these silences over and over again in an attempt to keep the conversation going but the other person seems to get these weird vibe off me. I know I make people uncomfortable but I don’t know why. In social situations I feel what I say is ignored and sometimes I just don’t bother to contribute to the conversation and so I become really quiet. Sometimes I might make a good impression on a person by managing to have a good first conversation but I won’t be able to keep it up and eventually the person will avoid/dislike me. Recently one person who I believed was my closest friend has been acting like she doesn’t want to know me anymore. So at the moment I can say that I don’t have any friends. I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper friend. The fact that I try so hard but don’t seem to get anywhere makes me think that this ‘problem’ I have is something that is ingrained in me. Like its genetic or that I have chemical imbalance in my brain that makes me the way I am. It just shouldn’t be this hard. Everyone one else manages to have friends so why can’t I? Do you guys find it hard to talk to people as well?
Michael24 Joined: Nov 14, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-14 10:03:38
	I can totally relate to ALL of what you are saying. I find it EXTREMELY hard to talk to people, and I too feel like I'm being ignored sometimes. I've always been an EXTREMELY shy person, and throughout the years it's evolved into so much more... It's so frustrating because I know that under all my layers of problems there is an outgoing, funny, and intelligent person that's starving for that feeling of self-confidence, peace of mind, and acceptance/understanding. I have 2 great friends that I've known since 4th grade (I'm 19 now). When we were all younger we all had similar personalities, but they eventually grew out of that shy/closed off phase. Now, I feel like they are moving on with their lives and kind of leaving me behind.
soldat Joined: Nov 9, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-15 17:44:33
	I have those exact same problems too. Literally, the exact same ones. I don't know what to say when conversing, so there are a lot of awkward silences and I try and break them, but the sentences I say aren't interesting so everyone just ignores me. Sometimes when meeting someone knew I make a good first impression, but the more they talk to me the more they realize that this dude doesn't have a personality. I used to have a best friend too, back in middle school, but nowadays he doesn't call me on the weekends to hang out because i guess he thinks im awkward, so i dont call him because i dont want to make him feel obligated to hang out with me. Gah it really is frustrating. I'm not a weird guy or anything, just suck at conversing.
Lufty Joined: Jun 19, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-15 18:56:55
	I'm in the same boat...I think I have even good ideas for conversations but for some reason, things are often snagged. There must be something beyond words,because this is bound to happen even when you haven't run out of ideas. As you said, the vibes you give off, the way you address people, the right timing etc. All of them inevitably influences the whole interpersonal experience. Some people have a strong, personal magnetism. They swap very few lines with people but they naturally keep any relationships going.
Walty Joined: Nov 8, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-17 12:45:35
	I have some difficulties with that as well but I've self-tested it, I'm not really very insecure, but enough to bother me regularly. I come across as a bit introverted, but not really shy. I'm better at conversations during work, or in forums to share common interests, but in situations where one's supposed to socialize such as parties, I freeze up somewhat, it's mostly because of other hobbies, and as a single I don't have a family life so I often lack subjects of conversation that others started talking about. And I tend to like the more "deeper" or "intelligent" subjects to talk about and I feel it's often to "heavy" for a party. And I don't like this I have a bigger car or a nicer holiday destination than you thing that it's often about.
greicy Joined: Nov 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-27 18:10:11
	It is good to see that I am not alone in this. When I am with close friends I tend to be more confident. But with another people I just got anxious or I just don't say anything. When I am in a group I never know what to say, or when is time to say something, even when I know that the people in the group are nice and that they are very friendly I just can't talk enough, I always keep just listening.
8Lions Joined: Oct 7, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-11-27 18:53:45
	Yup. It takes me about a month to feel comfortable talking to anyone. And even then . . . I have friends I've known since preschool who I am very uncomfortable around, even though they're very nice and cool and everything. I NEVER stop being nervous and the idea of conversation is really intimidating. I think I got it from my dad, who's very nervous and scared of his own kids. I recently realized that the only way I'm comfortable with someone is if I sleep with them. So I've considered sleeping around, but I'm not sure that's a good idea.
jaderunes Joined: Nov 28, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-28 06:33:27
	Wow. I thought I was the only one with this problem. I,too take at least a month or two to get used to people before I'm comfortable talking to anyone. I know it's due in part to the way I come off and by then I don't know how to erase the bad vibe I've created. I've tried sleeping around but end up picking losers which does nothing for my self-esteem and makes my awkwardness worse. I've started finding places on the net to increase my self-esteem, but haven't been with any long enough to know if they'll work, and they cost money. I wish I'd known about this years ago -- I could've dealt with this and gone so much further in life.
purplex8 Joined: Nov 13, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-28 06:57:42
	omg! Some one else who knows about the creation of the bad vibe! I feel only a picture of me has a chance of being attractive and giving off a positive vibe. Once that picture is animated and someone sees me, hears me, or reads something I've written, then the gig is up. They can feel the negative vibe and are turned off. This is also what prevents me from sleeping around. I'd love to do it but my level of attractiveness jumps the cliff before I even open my mouth. I think I've drifted off the thread topic a bit. I just got excited about someone else mentioning the 'vibe' angle/tangent/thread/concept. Yes, I have a hard time having conversations with people. The majority of the time I'm only able to think of questions to ask them. As long as they're talking, the conversation is going great!
higaise Joined: Nov 28, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-28 23:35:34
	hey, I've read most of the threads on this site and i'm pretty glad that i'm not the only one wit this "disorder" or what have you. I'd just want to let u know that i can relate to basically everything you have written, It makes me sad to know that other people have to go through this s--- state of mind. I am 18 and have had friends since the start of high school and some since grade 1. But i feel like i am such a burden on them, like im not adequate enough to be their friend anymore and i can tell that they're slowly letting me slip, which is perfectly understandable. It makes me so sad to see my mates flourish as really cool guys and having a f---ing great time while im there trying to make some kind of positive input as well but doing nothing but letting off awkward bad vibes. Things never used to be like this. It was a lot easier being a kid that's for sure.. good times. I lost a good 3 years of my life after i changed schools and became a complete loner basically, which im sure played its part in my disconnection from "social society". But I don't think there is anyone to blame but myself. You can only learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward. Im sorry what im typing has no real structure to it im just typing thoughts. I'd like to say dont give up. patience and a positive attitude can go a long way. Everyone is entitled to become a great person, some form of effort just needs to be made i think. Hopefully this mentality is not as difficult to get rid of as it has been for the past 3 years.
PaulT Joined: Dec 8, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-08 18:37:17
	I feel this way too. I think that people percieve me as weird, unattractive, or boring. Because of this I percieve myself as worth less than other people that I don't think have these difficulties. I often have difficulty carrying on conversations with acquaintances and strangers my own age because I can't think of anything to say. Especially with girls and even more so if I find them attractive. I think I don't relate to most girls and don't know what would interest them to talk about. Obviously, my love life isn't very exciting. Just from this thread I'm guessing this is a somewhat common problem for people to have. My question is what should you do to overcome this? What do you think causes this? I never spent much time with family or friends when I was growing up and I think my outlook is a result of this. I was raised by my grandmother and single father for most of my childhood. Several years ago my grandmother developed ovarian cancer. I went from living with her as a child to moving out with relatives and my father. Gradually spending less and less time with her. Eventually I avoided seeing her and avoided talking when I did see her. She passed away some time ago. I've been feeling terrible because I abandoned her when she needed me the most. She was the only major female role model I've ever had in my life. I've had friendships that ended in the other person rejecting and humiliating me. I'm always afraid that this will happen again. I don't like this part of myself. I want to be able to easily make and maintain genuine friendships. I want people I find fun and interesting to find me fun and interesting in return. What are the steps I need to take to work towards improving myself?
mulan Joined: Dec 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-08 19:40:58
	I know exactly what you are talking about, because I go through the same thing. I'm 22 yrs old, and I feel so dumb talking to people. Depending on the person I'm talking to I might feel comfortable enough to make conversation and it might go well in the begining but having to continue the conversation after a while becomes strained and uncomfortable because I start feeling self consiuos I'm pretty sure it shows and makes the other person feel uncomfortable. I get so frustrated with myself because I get like this and I don't know why. And I've met so many nice fun people but I stick out like a sore thumb when I with them because I'm the only one who is quiet and they all have big personaltys, so they think I don't like them, but that's soo not it, they just don't understand! Uh! So they don't invite me out, thay used to but I wouldend up declining the invite cuz I was afraid of the outcome only thinking of the negative. I really dislike myself.
mulan Joined: Dec 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-08 20:05:56
	And paulT I wish I could answer ur questions, I would love to know the answers too.. and I'm sorry for the loss of ur grandmother I'm sure she loved you very much
Kastanjehat Joined: Nov 18, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-11 05:17:18
	Wow... It's like reading about myself. scary. I hate having to talk to people, 'cause I know it will just end up with awkward silences, then I get nervous and I often just wish I could run far away from it. And I always feel like such a horrible burden to people. And after a "failed" conversation I think about what I should/shouldn't have said or done a looong time after. Not to sound exaggerated, but it's like deep inside I know I can be this nice and funny person, but I just can't get it out. It makes me sad to see other people with similar problems, but it's also nice to know that I'm not alone, which I thought for many years before I found websites like this, 'cause I have never seen or met anyone I can relate to with it.
Rocco89 Joined: Dec 11, '10 Status: New User	2010-12-11 13:26:28
	Omg i almost cryed when i've read all those post because i felt like reading about myself.It's like having a curse,realy.If i imagine socializing with someone is peace of cake i find topics to talk about with the thousands but when a real person is in front of me i'm an idiot and i cant even speak two words.
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