Dating Advice for Shy/Avoidant People

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Thread Topic: Dating Advice for Shy/Avoidant People

disorderguy Joined: May 5, '09 Status: Admin	2010-09-06 10:12:05
	Among the greatest causes of suffering for shy and avoidant people is the inability to create romantic connections. The world of dating or even just meeting men/women is completely foreign for most extremely shy people. The thought of approaching someone of the opposite sex is terrifying. Fear of rejection and embarrassment often leads to avoidance of social settings where singles meet. What can a person do to find romance and intimacy under these conditions? Does anyone have good dating tips for the shy? What has helped in your own experience? Being married myself, I haven't dated or tried to meet women for a long time. What I did, though, was to at least get out there into social settings, even if I was not the one to approach anyone. Having friends who were more socially outgoing was a big help, because they'd mingle and I'd get to know new people through them.
ecliptic Joined: Jun 16, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-09-06 15:44:47
	Mine was convenient, lol (not a tip): What turned out for me was meeting people through an online game. It isn't a hub for hooking up, thus conversations weren't pressured and I didn't have to physically go up to them so that took care of that--now I live with my bf. Now though, I'd wouldn't consider hooking up in such venues and I'd just look for mutual attraction. My actual tip for shy people would be, albeit simple, to reciprocate a friendship making process if they have someone interested. As for meeting people, I agree in social settings. For dating tips, this book has good tips for women: Why Men Love b----es by Sherry Argov. For guys, be less inhibitory as the girl is looking forward to connecting with you.
Hip Joined: Aug 10, '09 Status: Senior User	2010-09-06 17:12:12
	In the past I wouldve advised them to confide with other shy/avoidant people in order to get a safe start or something, but now I know better. Theres some truth to the idea that opposites attract. Avoidant people need to somehow hook up with someone whos non-avoidant and reliable. But for this you gotta either mean something to someone (big bro needing to look out for his little bro) or gotta impress and win someone over with a quality they find admirable. I.e. if I met an avoidant guy who happened to be an elite hacker, i'd fuckin stick up for him day after goddamn day, and try to help him out with his problems.
leviathan860 Joined: Sep 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-09-06 21:19:43
	I feel like I meet the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder but I can function normally to an extent. I can interact with co-workers, classmates, members of the church, store clerks, etc. Where I have trouble is asking for someone's phone number, asking someone if they want to do something outside of work/school. I have only one real friend and he also has this disorder. I can also get boyfriends, mainly through the internet. I have dated normal people but all three serious boyfriends I've had had serious problems, going to jail, verbal abuse, serious drug addictions, etc. I feel like I persue loser guys because I think they won't leave me and won't judge me. Of course this isn't true they will leave me! I don't think I will have a normal relationship until I overcome this disorder. I don't think I'll be attracted to a normal guy.
Lufty Joined: Jun 19, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-09-06 22:52:09
	Tough to say the least...with all your problems, you'll still get to know someone who has a crush on you. But the key to dating lies in continuous social interactions with other people. you just can't resign yourself to loneliness, even though you're very likely to stay withdrawn, avoiding contact with others at all costs...chances are nil under these circumstances, but going out exposes you to the chance of getting to know someone. when you least expect, it leads to future dates and encounters. You just can't turn this into an obsession,because most people you meet will be prospective friends and acquaintances...dating takes time.
prince6688 Joined: Nov 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-22 21:54:07
	# Plan out dating as you would any other important area of your life. Commit yourself to taking the time and energy to finding people that are right for you to date. Be discriminating and expect for it to be bumpy. Remember dating is a numbers game. You may need to meet several (10-20) new people before finding someone that you really click with. # Practice one of the relaxation strategies described in the section on managing stress and anxiety everyday. # Read the section on handling rejection and try to understand your own feelings about rejection before you begin the dating process. # Pursue coed activities (gay activities if you are gay) that interest you These can be biking, hiking, photography, self-help seminars, volunteer or charitable organizations, literature classes etc. Plan to participate in one or more of these activities one or two times a week every single week of your life until you are in a serious relationship. # Once you are attending your activities on a regular basis, begin to ask people out one after the other. Usually coffee or lunch dates work best for a first date. Start by chatting with the new person about the activity you are both participating in, then casually ask if the person would like to get together some other time. (This works if you are a man or a woman) If you are a woman and would rather go the traditional route then just let the person know that you like them and would like to get to know them better. # Before you go out : Sit down, do your relaxation exercise and visualize how you would like the date to go. This should be a positive visualization and you should create the visualization in such a way that you enjoy the experience. Doing this helps your mind prepare for the date. # Going out:When you go out on a date, be curious about the other person and use this curiosity to focus on whether or not you like the person. Ask questions and create conversation out of mutual interests even if you do not know much about the subject at hand. Since you have been sharing an activitity together you already have the basis for a conversation. Allow for some quiet awkward moments during this date, it always happens. # The next date or dates: Once you find someone that you have connection and some chemistry with, follow up with phone calls or e-mails just to get to know the person. (At this point you need to be prepared for rejection, this is often the toughest part of dating. Remember you are building a connection with this person and regular communication is essential.A Place to Meet Your Life Partner and Lots of Friends,A fun atmosphere, to have fun with friends and more, [no urls] is the best place provide the most comfortable ways to meet people online. provide a meeting place where millions of single people could meet each other, relax, be encouraged, entertained and feel happy, where every alone heart can find the soul mate,dating tips, because online dating is really a big chance to open your heart and to be heard.playing games,discover friends , you’ll meet new friends not only in your area but all over the world. where every alone heart can find the soul mate,dating tips. Real relationships can happen online. Great people arewaiting.
prince6688 Joined: Nov 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-11-22 21:58:26
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