Difference between being shy and avoidant disorder

natsasupastar Joined: Jul 3, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-03 23:39:50
	Hello. I'm 18 years old. I just found this website. Heck, I didn't even know where was such a thing as an avoidant disorder..anyway, I was at home...like most of the time. Which brings me to the topic of course. I don't know if I'm just a shy person or that I do actually have a disorder? It's weird thinking I have one. I like being home alone. I rather be here then be with one of my close friends. I mean sometimes, I feel suffocated. I want to be social, more social anyway. I mean I am happy. I love life..but somedays I just get so depressed. Like I feel like I don't have a life. I mean I'm a senior in highschool and I'm about to start my life! I dont' want to be the person who misses out on this on life because of what "other people think". My younger sister goes out more than I do! and she's 15. My mother calls me a homebody. And she's the same way. I don't know if this is genetic..(is it?) I spend hours and hours at a time, reading...getting lost in a t.v. show..going on the internet. I escape from this reality. I mean..I didn't think it wasn't normal..but I never thought it could be a disorder. Not to mention I have horrible self esteem issues..I always compare myself to girls and always wanting to be prettier than that one girl, or better. I remember thinking how upset I was going on facebook and reading all these people's status's about how they went to this party blah blah. And seeing photo's of them and all there friends. And it's not that I don't have any friends..I do. I have like 2 close friends. Not much I suppose. Now I don't know if i'm just a shy person.. or if I actually have social anxiety, but when I think about it, it makes perfect sense. I NEVER had a boyfriend. Ok..I did in like 2nd grade. but that doesn't really count. I'm soooo shy around guys. UGH. I hate it. I'm so scared that if I go for it..I'll just get rejected. And I tend to feel alone, and I craveee a boyfriend so bad and I hate myself that I don't have one. Yet I can't help it. I don't know why I'm like this..I mean I never knew my real father, and I guess that's one reason. I've always been shy, from when I was young. So am I just a shy girl? Or do I have an avoidant disorder? Sorry I wrote a novel, haha. But..yeah nothing better to do.. Do I need help? Or is it something I can cope with myself?
lillyyy Joined: Nov 29, '09 Status: New User	2010-07-03 23:42:29
	spam
appelsin Joined: Jul 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-04 19:37:45
	I can't actually answer your questions, but I feel the same in a lot of what you're writing. I'm an 18 years old girl who's never had a real boyfriend before. I have a few really close friends that I have known since I was little. To have friends that I can have fun with, and really trust is so great! But sometimes I get depressed and start thinking about why I can't be just a little bit more like them. They are quite social people that others enjoy hanging out with. And of course, they have all had a boyfriend before. I have kind of had a boyfriend before.. but he doesn't really count. You see, when I get a crush on someone, I do not dare to tell it to my friends before I'm over him. Because I'm really afraid that they are going to tell him that I like him. Well, I had an exception when I was 13. I told them that I liked a boy in our class... And after a while he found out about it and asked if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend, I said yes of course, but the day after, I started thinking that he was just playing a trick on me and that he actually didn't like me. So I kind of removed myself more and more from him. And after a month, he broke up with me because he thought I didn't like him... I know I only have myself to blame for that one :) Else than that, I've only fallen in love with guys that I've never gotten the chance to talk with. Pathetic, I know. And every time I do fall in love with a guy, I'm scared that he would find out. I do have a great life. The only thing missing is a boyfriend. And that makes me worry about the future, because, what if I never meet someone? Since I can't do anything about it myself, I just have to believe in some kind of destiny. And I hope that the 20 years-old, not entirely sober guy who was hitting on me yesterday is not it. First time I was on a local party was last year, my friends almost had to drag me in there because I almost didn't dare to go. To be honest I feel much more safer at home in front of the tv on Saturdays. One thing that's a little weird is that I'm very social with my friends. But as soon as a person I don't know enters the room, I don't say a word, I'm just sitting there, smiling as usual. I wished I dared to say a word, but I just can't break through my unsocial habits. One last thing before I'm ending this answer which became a little bit longer than I had expected (sorry:)), I'm wondering if I have inherited this shyness.. because I have been shy as long as I can remember, and I know my parents were shy as young. My younger brother on 16 used to be a little shy too, but after he got popular, he doesn't seem to have any problems with it at all. I think my best advice is to have a positive attitude. Because if you look like a friendly person, you also looks like you are easy to get to know. People also get automatically in a better mood with happy people around them. If that doesn't work, you just have to think that you're still young.. you will definitely bump into someone someday, that's what I'm trying to tell myself, haha :)
ninive Joined: Jul 6, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-07 00:57:34
	i've never had a boyfriend, but that may be because i don't like guys... and that makes it even harder my mother sometimes talk about my father who wouldn't talk with her when they where young and she had to force him now he is quite popular i wish i had friends who would drag me... there are some situations where i don't want to be alone, i will just feel too awkward so i usually avoid them completely
Kathy19 Joined: Jul 13, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-13 04:39:40
	Hey guys.. I know exactly what you're going through.. I often wonder why it has to be me, why do I have to be the avoidant shy girl who doesn't dare to say anything or do anything she wants to. It's so frustrating... and I feel that I have to do something about it...
natsasupastar Joined: Jul 3, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-13 20:20:49
	I know, it's so hard. It's like why can't I be the girl who says what she wants and not even care? I think that's so much easier to deal with then holding back.
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