I feel so alone, I need to talk

LunaLovegood33 Joined: May 15, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-15 21:04:23
	I am a 14 year old girl. I just stumbled across this website, and reading the decription of Avoidant Disorder... it was like they were personally decsribing me. I have always been very introverted and shy. From first grade to fifth grade, I wouldn't have any friends, I would just sit in the bathroom, looking at my ugly reflection (I am VERY self consious about my looks). Then, I moved to a different school. I made my first friends I have ever had in my life there. Their names were Annessa and Tauna, and the three of us were insepperable. But my mom was never around, so my dad would hit me all the time, and sceam at me constantly (He is a SEVERE Borderline). My self esteem lowered when I needed to move again within a year. I've been living here for 2 years, and haven't exactly made friends; I'm terified of what people will think of me. However, for a while, I thought I found a best friend. She turned out to be a phsychopath. She was manipulating me, and making me feel somewhat good about myself, but she was an a--hole to everyone else. I looked up phsychopathy, and she fit every description perfectly. My life seems so pathetic and useless, and my self image is at an all time low. I try to vent my anger and sadness by writing and drawing, like a second world that I can escape into. Even so, I can't help the crushing feeling of depression and lack of self-worth that I feel all the time. It helps to cut myself; there are scars all over my arms. I am constantly thinking suicidal thoughts, and feel as if I'm alone everywhere I go. Please, I need someone to talk to. I don't know what to do.
blackfox Joined: Apr 13, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-15 22:01:42
	Luna: I have suicidal thoughts all the time, they are just always there. But think about the people, close to you or not, that will miss you. I also cut, I have been cutting for close to seven months. I have attempted suicide on more than one occasion but it has not ever been succesful (obviously) I am a 14 year old boy. All of my friends hate me now. I have had more personal problem I would rather not type, and I feel bad for you. My advice is this, if you can find one person that loves you you will live happily, I recently had a bad break-up with the person I thought was right and it resulted in another (unsucessful) suicide attempt. If you take anything away from this let it be this: If you have one person you truely love and they love you back the whole world be damned as long as you are happy!
Tink Joined: May 14, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-15 22:02:09
	I understand wher ur coming from my dad is complete a--hat and i can relate to the cutting, i know its hard and im being majorly hipocritical by saying this but u should try to stop cutting and focus on writing also you could vent some anger and sadness by listening to some music(it doesnt really matter what kind) with the friends i was in the exact position last year and it will get better you just need to try and move into different circles it really does help to have friends (especially the really good kind)=)just keep at it youll get there!!!
peanut Joined: May 8, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-16 09:45:50
	hello-sorry for your abuse by dad.i'm 40 and my dad was and still is a verbal abuser.mom's a martyr and finds every exuse she can pull out of the air or her arse to cover for him.i have to nice sisters and one that is also very verbally and emotionally abusive and histrionic.you all need to find someone to talk to.i don't understand this cutting crap.i gather it is somekind of release.sounds gross to me.that didn't go on when i was growing up-so i don't quite get it.but anyhows-you all should seek out a school councellor or an adult you trust to talk to.you are all young-you shouldn't be living in fear and isolation.even if you are shy-there has to be one person you can find to connect with.look in the phone book for local youth centers.there ususally is some in every city.all you need is one true and dear friend.you need a support system of the sorts.and your NOT ugly.you sound like a vey beautiful person.what makes you not like YOU?self esteem and beauty come from within.journal-it helps.make a list of what you like and don't like about yourself.keep it short and equal-say 5 and 5.take small steps.work on one thing that you think needs a little boost.everyone is avoidant from time to time-i was just walking my dog and didn't go down the one street because i didn't want to talk to someone that was in their yard.i didn't have anything to say-so i took a different path.is that avoidant?yeah i guess.oh,well.you need to really talk to someone.suicide is a permanent solution to a not so permanent problem.don't hrt yourself.you deserve better then that.sometimes we have to self help.if that means going outside the box a little then so be it.approach someone at school who seems friendly.strike up a small conversation.you might be suprised.you seem such a lovely young girl.i wish you all the help the stars have to offer.have a beautiful day,and smile.
LunaLovegood33 Joined: May 15, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-23 11:33:04
	Wow, thank you guys so much for the feedback. It really helps talking to people who are like me, even if it is on the internet. But I'm moving to a different school next year, where I don't know anyone. It's a private art high school, and I auditioned for visual arts, and they accepted me. It's not that I'm not happy that I got in (It is a very hard school to get into) but I'm scared stiff because It's a big highschool, and again, I don't know anyone and I'm avoidant. At least summer's coming soon, and I can't wait for the series finale of LOST coming in just a few hours. So at least I have something to look forward to. (By the way, peanut, thank you so musch for the comment. I'll try to take your advice, but it's just difficult for me)
kittydoo Joined: May 22, '10 Status: New User	2010-05-23 13:55:57
	Hi, thanks for your comment on my post. In response to yours, I am so sorry you have to go through that. Here is what I do that usually help: when I was your age, I would talk to people that sit next to me in class or strike up small talk. Try to be more open. Don't let fear show on your face and people will be able to approach you. My dad was a bit on the crazy side too. As in he had a temper and it could easily rise and I would get hit for no good reason. I really suggest that you try to be optimistic of things you are blessed with. For example, that you have a home and family, or something like that. Even though, kids would make fun of me or if my family gained up against me, I would never inflict harm on myself because that makes me hate life more, plus it hurts. I even have suidal thoughts here and there but I have to reason that my life will end when God wants it to. I don't have control over what people think of me, but I do have control over how I view life. I have more opportunity for my life to turn around and be better. You have a whole life ahead of you to live how you want. Life is full of obstacles, everyone has problems of their own. The true challenge is to find a way to get past it and make life easier for yourself. There are many people in your spot and lots of people willing to help you. So I just want to say that you are unique and only you can make a decision on the outcome of you life, if you want things a certain way, you need to put effort. (that what I am trying to do each step of my life) I hope you feel better and make new wonderful friends.
Smylie Joined: Jul 8, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-08 23:52:38
	Well where do I start,I have lived in the netherlands for 14 years with my kids and husband.I am no longer married.1 child who is 15 years is living with her father she is there becouse she feels sorry and does not want him to be alone and the other is 16 years and she is living in agroup home getting out this year.I have apartner but he does not want to listen or talk to me about this.Well here goes for the past 7 mouths I have been trying to get a staying permit.They have been sending me all over the country to diff places about every 2 weeks saying I need this and that.I have all my paper work ready.I go in and still its not good.I do speak dutch.Then yesterday I get this letter to say that I am to leave the netherlands,but not what date so I could be deported tomorrow.I am not aloud to take my kids with me as my ex-husband said no to that He is dutch and I am from NZ.I want 1 thing in my life to turn out right.My lawyer is trying to help but he even said that it does not look good for me.I have no 1 to turn to.My life is sh.....
Dan_wynter Joined: Jul 4, '10 Status: New User	2010-07-09 02:31:02
	You are so blessed pw that u discovered about this early-earlier than me. I've just learned about this when i was 16, bt many of my prime years were already spoiled by the illness. Now i'm turning 18 but haven't yet found any things to get around the disorder. We're both young, though and havent wasted much of our life, let's work on it. I know we can overcome this.
Kerrang Joined: Aug 5, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-05 16:45:26
	I'm a14 year old boy and I go to a posh boarding school in which I am terribly bullied as I am emo I guess I got that way due to my terrible social anxiety I have thought of suicide and I cut. I have 3 friends but they don't anything about any of this. I took the quiz of what mental prob I have and scored low in 1 med in 2 and high and v high in all others and those ones described me on the dot. I guess all I can say is that these are difficult years for people and you should continuewriting try and make 1 good friend p.s for music I myself listen to bullet for my valentine, slipknot etc.... But for u I highly recommend original escape the fate because the songs mean so much and have helped me alot
daydreaming Joined: Aug 27, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-27 23:02:31
	*Gasp* YOU'RE A HARRY POTTER FAN TOO? YAY! Sorry off topic. Wow, I would really hate to have a dad lke yours, my mom does the yelling in my family, my dad is pretty laid back about most things. I, like you, have poor self image though my own may be because my mother makes comments about my weigh (which really isn't that bad anyway) and my acne (sigh). PLEASE, please, please please for the love of everything that is good in this world don't cut yourself, I have a friend who did that, I was constantly taking her sharp things from her. I don't think I could ever intentionally hurt myself, thugh I have tried I really can't make myself do it. It's just not worth what could happen. I really don't want to give you the generic 'see a therapist' speel, but that is the most logical response. Also, find friends who are like you. They understand and want friends just as bad as you do. I am lucky in finding my 2 best friends, but that because we're three nerds so we have similar interests. Keep in contact with the 2 best friends you had before moving-seriously find them on facebook or something email them eveeryday, talk on the phone anything. Believe me even if they were really your bffs, they would want you to be happy and not be so sad & lonely.
kittiemarie Joined: Aug 31, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-31 09:43:42
	Geodon
kittiemarie Joined: Aug 31, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-31 09:47:42
	do you have a fear of developing schizophrenia? Is it with you all the time? Do you get a panic attack when you think about the idea or becoming schizophrenic? Do you that you are on the BRINK of going crazy, and sometimes fear the symptoms, sit there fearing that maybe you'll start to hear something but you never do? If that sounds at all like you, its OCD. I have it too. OCD is an anxiety disorder. People have certain obsessions , like: fear of dying, fear of going crazy (schizophrenia), fear of germs, the list goes on and on .... basically you get the instrusive thought of fearing of schizophrenia, and then you get the intrusive thoughts that go along with it like, "What if I really am crazy and I am delusionional? What if everyone is fake?" .... BUT, the difference between an actual schizophrenic and an OCDer, is a schizophrenic 100 percent believes this, and an OCDer just FEARS that they believe it. A great website to visit stuckinadoorway.org Search the topics for "Schiz" OCD, thats what they call it. Hope I helped a little. By the way, crazy people dont know they are crazy. They think everybody else is. Good thing to remember. :) ****BY THE WAY I just thought I should mention that having OCD doesnt make you crazy either, its treatable. I am on medication for anxiety, and it helps a lot I have my life back and I no longer worry that Im going nuts! It just seems stupid to me now that i ever did haha. *Lol sorry i keep adding to this but I just know how it feels I have it too and I always needed reassurance. Heres an anxiety site that talks about fear of schizoprhenia
kittiemarie Joined: Aug 31, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-31 09:50:31
	do you have a fear of developing schizophrenia? Is it with you all the time? Do you get a panic attack when you think about the idea or becoming schizophrenic? Do you that you are on the BRINK of going crazy, and sometimes fear the symptoms, sit there fearing that maybe you'll start to hear something but you never do? If that sounds at all like you, its OCD. I have it too. OCD is an anxiety disorder. People have certain obsessions , like: fear of dying, fear of going crazy (schizophrenia), fear of germs, the list goes on and on .... basically you get the instrusive thought of fearing of schizophrenia, and then you get the intrusive thoughts that go along with it like, "What if I really am crazy and I am delusionional? What if everyone is fake?" .... BUT, the difference between an actual schizophrenic and an OCDer, is a schizophrenic 100 percent believes this, and an OCDer just FEARS that they believe it. A great website to visit is[no urls]… Search the topics for "Schiz" OCD, thats what they call it. Hope I helped a little. By the way, crazy people dont know they are crazy. They think everybody else is. Good thing to remember. :) ****BY THE WAY I just thought I should mention that having OCD doesnt make you crazy either, its treatable. I am on medication for anxiety, and it helps a lot I have my life back and I no longer worry that Im going nuts! It just seems stupid to me now that i ever did haha. *Lol sorry i keep adding to this but I just know how it feels I have it too and I always needed reassurance. Heres an anxiety site that talks about fear of schizoprhenia
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Senior User	2010-08-31 10:01:12
	http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/fear_of_schizophrenia.asp Here's a site that may be helpful. :)
smurfy Joined: Aug 31, '10 Status: New User	2010-08-31 20:56:46
	LUNA, I JUST READ YOUR SAD STORY AND MY HEART BLEEDS FOR YOU. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GIVE YOU WORDS TO HELP THE PAIN BUT I WISH I COULD REACH OUT AND HELP YOU WITH A HUG OF A MOTHER. I AM A 47 YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO IS STILL GOING THRU THAT PAIN. I NEVER KNEW THERE COULD BE AN ACTUAL DIAGNOSIS FOR IT, BUT THE DEFINITION FITS ME PRETTY MUCH. I AM GOING TO BE TOTALLY ALONE SOON BECAUSE MY KIDS WILL BE OUT OF THE HOUSE IN A YEAR OR 2 SO I AM REAL SCARED OF WHAT MY FUTURE WILL BE. BUT....I HAVE A GOOD MIND AND KNOW THERE IS A PROBLEM AND THAT IS THE FIRST BATTLE. IF YOU CAN ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM AND IT NEEDS THE HELP OF OTHERS, SEEK IT OUT. DO NOT SIT AND DWELL ON IT. NOBODY CAN HELP YOU IF YOU DONT ASK. TRUST ME I KNOW. GO TO YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR AND ASK FOR GUIDEANCE. THEY HAVE PROGRAMS OR CONTACTS WHICH WILL HELP STUDENTS. DON'T BE AFFRAID TO ADMIT TO THE CUTTING, BECAUSE THAT IS NOT NORMAL AND NOT GOOD FOR YOU. MY OLDEST WAS TRYING TO DO THAT FOR A PERIOD OF TIME BECAUSE OF THE HURT SHE RECEIVED FROM HER DAD AND WITH THE COUNCILING WE GOT HER INTO IT HELPED HER TO OVERCOME THE PAIN AND REALIZE SHE HAS A FUTURE AND A AWSOME MIND AND PERSONALITY WHICH CAN TAKE HER ANYWHERE SHE WANTS TO GO. I AM SURE YOU DO TO. BUT PLEASE SEEK OUT THE HELP AT SCHOOL. ALSO,TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE OF MY BACKGROUND. BY DAD WAS ABUSIVE TO ME AND MY MOM WHEN I WAS VERY LITTLE. I STILL REMEMBER SEEING HIM HIT MY MOM WHEN I WAS 5. HE WAS LIVING IN SOME KIND OF HELL IN HIS MIND WHICH AT THAT TIME NOBODY UNDERSTOOD DEPRESSION. WELL HE TRIED 5 OR 6 TIMES TO TAKE HIS LIFE AND HE FINALLY SUCCEEDED WHEN I WAS ALMOST 7. ALSO MY MOM HAS THE SAME ISSUES AS WE DO IN THIS WEB SITE. BUT SHE USES BOOZE TO TRY AND MAKE IT BETTER. WHICH NEVER DOES. NOW SHE IS BY HERSELF IN A HOUSE WITH NO FRIENDS AND IS AFFRAID TO DRIVE. THAT IS NO LIFE AND I SEE MY SELF GOING THAT WAY SOMETIMES AND I WANT TO FIGHT THAT PATH. WE ALL CAN CHANGE THE PATH WE THINK WE ARE FORCED TO FACE. IT JUST TAKES THE WORDS TO COME OUT OF OUR MOUTHS AND ASK. YOU KNOW NOBODY WILL BE ABLE TO READ OURS MINDS. ANYWAY, THE DEATH OF MY DAD AFFECTED MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF HIS SISTERS TO THIS DAY. THE PERSON TAKING THEIR LIFE HAS THE EASY OUT, UNLESS YOU WANT TO HAUNT THE PLACE YOU DID IN. LOL WE LIVE WITH THE PAIN FOREVER. DO THINK ABOUT THOSE LOVED ONES AND HOW IT WOULD BE FOR THEM. PLEASE BE STRONG AND JUST ASK, IT CAN'T HURT. SHERRIE
Need to see a psychologist? Find reviews on the best doctors in your area at Angie's List (Get access to thousands of reviews for a small charge)

Copyright 2012, all rights reserved. View our Privacy Policy | Advertise With Us
DISCLAIMER: These forums are not a substitute for evaluation by a medical professional. By using these forums you agree to hold 4degreez.com unaccountable for anything posted by other visitors. There is no endorsement made nor vetting done on any content posted by a visitor. This service is presented as-is with no warrantees; use at your own risk.