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Qasar
Joined: Aug 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-03 18:27:33 |
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I never thought I'd do this haha, but hey, it can't hurt to share. Since I can't admit my feelings properly to anyone - why not internet strangers? So here goes..oh this will be long. Get yourself comfy, maybe get your funeral organised as when you've finished reading you'll have aged considerably. I don't want to diagnose myself obviously, but I think there is a possibility that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder or some sort of social anxiety...though it could be moderate. There are some things I've noticed in day to day life such as how I've always been hesitant about answering the phone and I still am now. Even calling someone, such as for a hair appointment is a bit difficult. I have to sit there for a few minutes sorta building the confidence. Since I don't have much of a social life I have spent a huge amount of time on the internet the last few years, I speak to people on forums, I watch a lot of comedy to take my mind off things...I think I have an addiction to my laptop now haha. Anyways, high school is when I became aware of the problem. I don't think I made a single close friend by myself during the 6 years there. I had two close friends who I hung around with (one I had known since I was 5 and the other even younger than that) and through them other people joined our group... I would look at everyone around me and think why am I so different? I didn't even like most of them, in a way their lives intimidated me. They were all so interactive and started having relationships and I didn't even really think about guys much because I thought I had no chance in hell as I knew my problem - I didn't have enough friends, I wouldn't make any, therefore no guy friends, so obviously no social situations with them. If I did then they wouldn't understand me because I am introverted. If I didn't have a person from within my social group in a class with me, I'd sit and watch helplessly as people chatted around me about their parties and they spoke so easily...my problem was that I wanted so badly to say something because I felt I looked incredibly weird just sitting there but I just couldn't, I could never think of what to say and if I did say something I felt it came out weird. Sometimes I would wish that I was ignorant of my problem, it was worse knowing that I seemed odd to people. I was aware that they were probably confused by me being unsociable but they never said anything, until one day a nasty idiot decided to joke that I 'could crawl under a rock and no one would notice'. I wanted to humiliate her in front of her friends with a reply, make her seem stupid but managed to mess that up as well, I just mumbled something like 'probably yeah' and smiled. I didn't want her to see I was hurt. Another girl one day just asked me, 'why do you never speak?' Kind of annoying, since I do speak. Anyways, I said to her 'aaw look what you did, what did you have to ruin my silence for?' Yep, usually in these situations I respond awkwardly with terrible humour. Of course thereby avoiding an explanation. Then they are like, 'wtf?' I think my problem is with groups, on a one to one level I can communicate well, but get to over 3 people then I well..suck at it. Ok...so I have some social problems...but the avoidant part began to hit me. I didn't really know some people in a class that well, we were going on a trip, they were asking me if I was going to come - but I pulled out. The fear of having no one, the fact that they were all close and I was an outsider. I made up a terrible excuse, and lost money because I had previously paid for the trip so I would be fitting in, but hey, I changed my mind. Got a hard time from my mum for that, because she doesn't understand. Ok...University. I went into the halls of residence thinking here is my chance. I'm going to create a new life for myself and it will be social. Enter conflicting thoughts - but I don't like social situations, but I want to fit in, be sociable... Hey guess what happened, on the first night the girls in my corridor were going out, I was asked to come, I made up the excuse that I was ill. I don't think I would have been close to them in the end, but still, it was a chance to be sociable and look what I did. Eventually I made friends with a girl on the same corridor who seemed distant to everyone. I really pushed myself, I went up to her door and knocked and we chatted. But I didn't feel I entirely clicked with her because I found her a bit strange(yes,haha) and boring, so I ended up using her just to stop myself feeling lonely, which then made me feel guilty. I joined a sports team, went on a night out - went home early - then I left the team after deciding I wasn't good enough. I have made a few aquaintences in lectures which has kept me going. But I'm living at home because I had no one to share a flat with. I was forced into getting a part time job due to constant nagging by my mother (I would never have got one without her pushing me - because I was too worried about not being able to do something or the interview) Funnily enough I found the interview easy and I wasn't too nervous, and I have been doing things in my job that push the barrier such as interaction with others, customers, dealing with situations, understanding that I can do something new and it was nothing to worry about. I took confidence from this. Ah now here is where I started looking up my problem on google. I avoided the Christmas party, I avoided the parties other staff members had, I basically avoid everything and I just avoided another staff party last night. Lie after lie and I know I can't keep doing this, there is one guy I try to avoid because he asks questions I don't want him to ask. Why don't I go? Will you come to the next one? Do you not like everyone? I haven't been able to explain why I can't come, partly because I don't have it sussed out entirely anyway. I did however go to one social event, and I was basically pushed into going because I put on the whole 'ok maybe I'll come, I'd enjoy that' facade, but the girl said 'ok so you are coming then, give me your mobile number'...so I couldn't avoid it. Well done her, I had a great time, though I was still a bit socially awkward. A few days later I learned that a guy who went with us fancied me and wanted to get to know me better. I thought 'yes!' finally, a guy is interested in me. So I agreed to meet him. I liked him as a friend, but unfortunately there were a few reasons I didn't like him more than that. But I've realised some important things from this situation and it made me start looking up this problem to see if other people suffer as well - he wanted to talk about his social life, and he talked about going out all the time and how many things he was involved in and then he would ask me. Wahay, how terribly embarrassing, I don't really have a social life.. My mum is making me feel stressed, as I'm living with her she can see that I don't go out very much, and she keeps telling me I need to be more sociable. But I can't, and she does not know about all the things I have avoided... Ok better stop. I don't really know what writing this is going to do for me (hmm nothing) but at least for the first time I have written my feelings down. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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ulquiorra
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-04 06:02:55 |
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well yeah i did this test aslwell ofc. and read all that is abow here. i scored very high on Paranoid, Schizoid and high on avoident. and on the top of that i often feel life has no meaning when im with people in a nihilisitk way. and i alweys been like this. soo well yeah i guess i alweys known i where abit defernce. all the way back to 8 grade and upp when people asked me to do somthing with them or invited to a party. i usaly said oh i don't got time or im hanging with someone else wich would be a lie to be alone. and even the times i get to know someone. when all the paranoid stuff and all that is over the nihilistic/maby introverted part of me just takes over and i feel sad i don't find talking funn at all. and i devoloped a suicidal urge when im with people. soo i have to constant remind me why the f--- did i go... and yeah well i want to be in a relationship but it have alweys seen imposibill to me to show emotions no mather how hard i try i can't show emotions. and for all i know even if i ever where to get a relationship i might not even like it like 99% of all other sosial expericen i had. but i realy like beeing alone i don't feel sad then i don't feel stresed then and i don't feel anoyed in anyways exept when i tink of it would be nice to have someone to share stuff with beacause i feel that's never gonna happend. and being alone all day realy relods my bateri just daydreaming, watching anime, reading stuff and playing games im realy addicted to be alone. soo i alweys tink why im a soo afraid of people not liking me. and when i get to know them i tink they secretly don't like me or using me. and when i get past that every once in awhile i find someone i enjoy beeing alitle with atleast. and yeah i even found girls i like beeing with 2 times in my life. once where only a a mounth it seemed i wasn't there enough... since she lived in another state the other time it was someone i had been friend with for years. after 3 years of alot of sadnes destruction of my self for not telling her how i feel i manage to stumble out i.. ee like you. silence super awqward we where together for 2 hours and called me she was sorry she wantet to be a boy. and while those 2 hours went the other girl i liked asked me out but i said no. after that i can't help tinking that freaking satan is out to get me just playing with my life paranoid>.< for the moment i just want to live on the country with far awey from people with good internett, big tv and books alone forever if i don't find anyone. hopefully i find someone and fuigers that out. usaly people get there hops upp with things they done or do but that don't seem to be an opinion with me. *sigh i guess i just wantet to say how much s--- i feel, but i just love beeing alone. would be nice if anyone could relate here tho so i know im not the only freaky person >. |
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missferreira
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-04 06:15:23 |
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the thought of persistently wanted to be alone and away from everything in the world had once been my problem too. i always felt like my friends were not that friendly with me. i felt like they were better than me in every way.its like being inferior. and also i couldn't build any love relationship with anyone and still cannot. but the extreme 'wants' to be alone can be cured i guess. like me. slowly when u feel like u want to be alone. make sure you try to be a bit more confidence day by day. maybe today u try to ask opinions from a friend about anything. and tomorrow you can join a friend to hang out doing something u like. and the next day, try talking comfortably about light topic with two or three friends. i think its not suitable for you to join a big group out of a sudden. do not join a big or crowded party yet. just start it slowly. i mean you dont have to leave your 'own little world' completely. just reduce the time that you spend alone. good luck to you Qasar. |
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DakotaS
Joined: Aug 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-04 17:47:04 |
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You seem like a really nice person. I'd hang out with you. I suffered the same kind of problems in high school, just not as severe. If I didn't know anyone in certain classes I would just sit there quiet and feel REALLY awkward. I've got a few close friends and a lot of acquaintances but I don't go out that much either. I only really go out places because my parents think I'm weird when I don't go out. I get nervous too. |
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SomethingWitty
Joined: Aug 7, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-07 00:07:15 |
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OP's post describes my life near-perfectly, with a few exceptions. I do do some social things. However, when I do go, I end up sitting alone somewhere, because I always feel I'm far too awkward and misplaced to actually converse. Yet, instead of just avoiding it altogether, I go, telling myself "THIS time I'll actually converse for more than a minute." Unfortunately I end up there and I hold back anything I'd like to share, mostly because I never seem to connect to anything anyone else is doing/saying. It doesn't really help that I've a high rating for Schizotypal PD too; if I do end up talking to someone, I end up being overly dramatic with my word choices and end up ending the conversation with either a tasteless or complicated joke that only I seem to get. Meanwhile, in my self-inflicted isolation, I look at everyone having a good time and wonder what they have that I don't and end up spiraling downward. I've noticed that it gets worse as I progress through life - it's been on an increasingly steep downslope ever since I first ended up in High School. And, since I don't want to end up looking like a fool in front of people (to the point of COMPLETELY avoiding any sort of questioning because I might end up looking dumb), I've never just gone up to anyone close to me and just say "any chance you know a good psychologist?" Nope. I get to dwell on it inside my head. Unfortunately, besides finally being able to admit it... I still have no idea how to deal with it, besides shelling out $100 to some psychologist who I'd end up lying to out of embarrassment anyway - something someone on my budget (college student with atrociously low but inconvenient work hours) cannot afford to do. I'm sure there are a lot of others in this same boat. Anyone know the golden answer (which probably doesn't exist)? |
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justdoit
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-11 18:21:27 |
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Hello peoples. I have some tips. Basically being sociable is a skill, and like any skill it needs to be practiced. How do you learn a skill from scratch? You have to believe in some form or another that it can be done (confidence) You create the confidence yourself, by your beliefs. You think you’ve gone past the point? Luckily you can come back with NLP. What you can do and should do is scratch those old records that are playing in your mind telling you things like " this is soo hard", they'll laugh at me" "they can see I’m quiet, so if I’m made to say something I’ll sound like a fool" I've got news for you. If you act like prey, the lion will eat you. How to scratch: (NLP) Think of any social encounter that’s bothering you i.e. when you reply with a nervous "joke" Replay it backwards and change the colour of the room, make every one grow big ears, now speed it forwards add some (funny) circus music, now people grow Pinocchio noses and start flying around the room by their ears. Basically make it crazy ridicules situation until you start laughing. Now if this was done right when ever you think of the situation that was bothering you you’ll laugh. Now: You say "Hello" to people right. This is a vital piece to the puzzle. Simplified, imagine if you couldn’t pick up a spoon: you wouldn’t be able to eat, with that skill you can now pick up a piece of wood and a hammer viola you can now make a shelter, now this leads to being able to take part in intricate things you’d never be able to do when you were 3 like hold the handle bars of a bike, drive a car, or play Playstation! What I’m getting at is you need to start small i.e. the spoon, to build in yourself a sense of confidence AND muscle groups. I'm here to tell you, your "social ability" is a muscle that needs to be trained. From now on commit yourself to saying "(hi)(hey)(hello) name, how are you? BEFORE THEY DO! If you’re worried this will lead into the ''dreaded'' conversation. Just remember you are under no obligation to continue to chat for hours or even a minute, but you owe it to yourself to build up the character that you want in your life. And remember to say “it was nice to meet you, or “see you, name” when they leave. By showing people common courtesy this technique does a lot. It builds your confidence up, and gains others respect for you. Everyone is hung up with themselves all the time that it is a welcome gesture to have someone greet and farewell you, it shows them you care, and lastly in return, proves you are a person worth caring about. To make it easy: Have an idol, someone you look up to respect and would want to grow up to be like one day. Yes this could be a Film/TV character (to an extent!) Rehearse in your mind what it would be like to be that person, how would they act in any given situation? I you would have wanted an encounter you had in the day to go differently, when you get home NEVER dwell on what you did but HOW you could improve, replay it once saying/being what you would have wanted. (In your mind obviously) A quick tip for next time, body posture is everything! Seriously. For a moment right now pretend you were Batman with a cape on and walk around the room. How you would walk knowing you had all that power inside! Notice how this makes you feel!! Life is a game, win it, and have fun! Now get on the pitch and play! BTW Watch “YES MAN” for inspiration!! For any more info Anthony Robbins covers all of this in depth in Awaken the giant within. Regards, Justdoit. |
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TotalAversion
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-11 23:08:00 |
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to justdoit... you obviously have no idea who you are talking to... i suggest you are enthusiastic about these techniques that you have learned and thus think they will work for everyone... well, they dont. simple as that... your techniques might be fime for basic unassertive people, but people with an avoidant personality have much more going on inside them than any "timothy robbins" style "motivational" is geared towards... saying "Life is a game, win it, and have fun! Now get on the pitch and play!" in this thread inspires an anger response in me that i am not going to react to, well, no more than telling you that such empty throwaway platitudes are glib and meaningless in the context of this particular message thread.... and i dont intend on explaining how insulting it is... i have an extremely complex personality dominated by avoidance and dependance, and have occasional schitzotypal episodes, and have been like this for as long as i can remember... it has affected absolutely every aspect of my being, and is much much more complicated and intergral to my "being" than just a poorly exersized "social muscle"... (...remaining calm, not getting angry...) im sure anyone who lives with an avoidance personality and has sought help and information, leading them to this forum, will agree with me... most of the problem as i percieve it is that the people who are "normal" dislike anything that is not "normal" (like them selves) and utilise stigma/rejection/hatred reactions to avoid any challenge to their narsissistic sense of "normality"... their methods of maintaining their safety from what they percieve to be "abnormal" include; cruelty, deception, misdirection, anger responses and not uncommonly, outright violence... each of these atrocious behaviors being acceptable to the "normals" in the context of "keeping the weirdo's at a safe distance..." imagining yourself in a batman suit to feel better about yourself when you spend your entire existance actually being completely socially ostracised is REALLY going to turn things around and make you feel better about yourself... NOT... avoidance personalities develop as a result of the survival instinct of hypersensitive people in an remarkably insensitive and agressive environment, which is pretty much how reality is... the only people who dont see reality as insensitive and agressive are those that ARE insensitive and hostile by nature... a fox cant smell their own stink... but some of us CAN smell the stink and do our best to avoid it... so if you ARE an avoidant personality, you became that way for a damned good reason... now its time to not let it get you down, but to accept that most of lifes situations and systems were developed and maintained by insensitive and agressive people, and you really are better off staying well away from it... the further the better for YOU... Problem is, the foxes dont like it when you dont play their game... they are really quite insecure... also, Insensitive, agressive people seem to have more fun and seem to live more fully, this is because they dont really notice the harm they do to in the process, and will defend their right to their ignorance to your detriment... not to their own, cause they are the dominating type on this planet, and untill the "meek inherit the earth" (dont hold your breath) they will remain the dominant type... it is their nature to callously dominate this earth, without asking for permission from everyone else, they ARE insensitive and agressive after all! remember, most of the things we do on this earth were designed by these people for themselves... and not for you... you arent welcome if you arent like them, no matter how much you'd like to be, you will NEVER fit in... their game wasn't designed for you... you will not succeed at it... not unless you distregard your sensitive nature and become like them... but even then... you will never really be one of them... in fact, being an avoidance personality is only a disorder if you try to compare yourself to the mass of insensitiveand agressive people you developed your survival skills to negotiate your way amongst in the first place... get used to being who and how you are, and learn to appreciate yourself cause you are actually a far superior being than they could ever imagine... the idea that anyone is "normal" is a virulent mental illness that it is rampant on this earth... and insensitive and agressive behaviors might dominate the earth, but all that does is make the earth an unpleasant place for anyone else to live in... if i had a choice, i wouldnt visit planet earth... yuck! id AVOID IT! hypersensitive people have believed the bad press they recieve about themselves for too long... they are not sick... but negotiating throught this world not made for them is exceptionally difficult and thus, we make some big mistakes that other "normal" people dont have the opportunity to make... and because we are sensitive, we feel bad about it... insensitive agressive people dont give a damn... and we seek to AVOID that as well... wisdom comes from error, compalcency breeds ignorance... which would you prefer to have had, a life full of mistakes, but with some wisdom? or a comfortable life, but ignorant? avoidants are only ill at ease cause they have forgotten that the grass on the other side of the fence isnt just NOT greener, it is FAKE, and POISONOUS... the ignorant agressive others advertise themselves waaay to heavily... again, they really are insecure... learn to avoid and be happy that you do... if others dont like it or dont understand, tell them the truth... tell them... "look, your world is insane, it is sick and cruel and violent and heartless and it is bad for my wellbeing... you might not be sensitive to the reality of those things, but i bloody well am... and i want no part of it... so... I AM AVOIDING IT!... either change your world so we can all enjoy it, or dont expect me to participate..." if more people avoided participating in the stupidity that happens out there, it'd be a better world for it... Avoidant personality is a SANE personality... we are a minority and not aware of our own sanity as a group... but we know we are actually the sane ones... AVOID AND BE HAPPY |
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justdoit
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-12 23:50:06 |
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Hi again, Firstly, I didn’t mean to upset anybody, but thank you TotalAversion, I’m pleased to hear your opinion and I enjoyed your article. Just quickly, I’m sure in intense cases of the disorder it could be a comfortable way of living. I understand what you mean about the insensitive, violent society. So for those of you like that, DO NOT read my earlier post. Though, Can we clarify, you say avoidants shouldn’t feel any sense of insanity or pressure to change and fit in with the "rest" Are there mild cases? I’m sure some of these people probably are, and do really want to change. Just for the sake of interest. How much can a hypersensitive child’s psyche take before it passes the point of no return to pure disorder? (If that’s possible) “When the meek inherit the earth” very nice turn of phrase! I can’t imagine them claiming it themselves. Also, sure as I’m aware I have 10 toes, I’m sure avoidant couples offspring would NOT be passed any such disorder. In such a dull world the environment they grow up in wouldn’t be insensitive or aggressive, thus starting the cycle or "our" world all over again… All I have left to say is; what is the meaning to your life? It’s your decision, be happy and push the boundaries. |
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blue_roses
Joined: Aug 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-14 21:18:53 |
| I'm exactly the same; had exactly the same experiences during school and now first-year uni. I've recently started seeing a counsellor at uni who's lovely but only seems to be scratching the surface of my problem, getting me to do little "experiments" and cut down the time I spend mulling over the negatives afterwards. Obviously that's important but I don't think the "fake it 'til you make it" approach alone works for someone with a serious problem like SA or APD. I have a family history of depression and anxiety and wasn't well socialised as a small child, I have serious self-confidence and trust issues and nothing's being done about that so far. Those conversation skills outlined above might be helpful for some people but a lot more has to happen for us to recover. | |
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TotalAversion
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-16 02:02:52 |
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-"Purpose" and "meaning" in life- is what people have to avoid the brutal reality that their entire life, everyone they know and everything they do, without exception, is going to be so much dust to future archeoligists... This reality is so uncomfortable that we go to incredible lengths to avoid realizing it... It is, however, the bottom line of our existance... the great equaliser between all people... Nothing that anyone does, or has ever done, or will ever do is outside of this reality... so my advice to people is generally "get over yourselves" "your lives are transitory and essentially meaningless... I personally have no purpose or meaning in life beyond my very small world... It is everything to me to be loved by my partner and to love her in return... Nothing else has any meaning or purpose to me beyond this... the only other thing i persue with any real determination is to seek to know "myself" and "others" in our mutual environment of inter-relating so as to understand why the frick i have NEVER fit into this environment comfortably... I also try to understand why it has been so hard to find "others" that are actually trustworthy enough to inject my delicate emotional state into their lives... this search has lasted my entire lifetime and is ongoing... the reality is, as i have discovered it, that humans are basically an ignorant and self destructive species existing within a deeply entrenched illusion (delusion) of self importance... People's lives are, however, stepping outside of this illusion, essentially futile and pointless... (as already proven, if you think about it a moment by the dust) Expressing this reality, and using it as the common ground between all people, does not endear me to others, and as their unrealistic self esteem cannot survive outside of the illusion of purpose and meaning, they will defend the overinflated value of their little lives to extreme lengths... even to the death... obviously prefferably YOUR death and not their own... the idea of a life without meaning and purpose is so unwelcome in our society, that people who become dissillusioned, people who discover the pointlessness and futility of being that is underlying everything we are, are quite often socially outcast and rejected... their view on life is labelled as "disturbed" or "unwell" and commonly, they find themselves being convinced that they must BE unwell... cause "life MUST have a point, some meaning, or its not worth living..." most of the so called "help" available to the utterly disillusioned is there purely to try to re-establish the illusion of "meaning" in their lives... so as to again avoid the brutal reality that there actually is no meaning... The Helpgivers totally convinced as to the rightness of their actions, as they are trapped by and within their illusion to think as such... well... that doesnt actually help anyone... the whole system was developed and applied by those that are under the illusion that life has purpose... and that illusion is based completely on the avoidance of reality... so tell me who has the "avoidance personality disorder"!!!! my main activity in life is to seek a meaning to life, outside of my small world... a meaning that is not ultimately utterly futile and pointless... a possibly futile and pointless activity in itself... people who are locked within the illusion of purpose cannot begin to comprehend or grasp what i could possibly mean by any of these things... to those within the illusion, i could only possibly be mentally ill, or have a disorder... ANYTHING but correct! it is basically the fear of reality that others feel that is my biggest problem in life... and "avoidance" has become my main tool to survival... just like everyone else... only I avoid them, and NOT reality... In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is sick and tired of all these damned blind idiots flailing about breaking things and treading on his toes... the one eyed man has learned that to explain to the blind that he can see is a total waste of time, and a good way to get hurt... On a side note, Its a good tool to seek information about your experiences in life through recognised definitions of personality "disorders" but to consider yourself as "disordered" in relation to others is a big mistake... NO ONE is sane... we are, each and every one of us, in a state of disorder... there are degrees of how much a thing affects you, and sometimes that degree can be quite intense and sometimes harmful... but in a world where people give a damn about each other, this would be ok... (oh, thats right... the world where people actually give a damn about each other is overrun by selfish and insensitive people... buggar!) If you have extreme problems with your personality in relation to others, maybe it is because they are ignorant of your actual needs, ignorant of how things affect you, and happy to remain so... if others ignorance is THEIR bliss, it is, as often, YOUR distress... REMEMBER: you are just another variety of human being in the massive ocean of human beings... You have as much right to your ideas and opinions as everyone else... You are a VALID and VALUABLE member of this essentially pointless and meaningless species, and no more pointless and meaningless than anyone else..... the difference is, you already know innately that your existance is futile and pointless, and they dont know theirs is whatsoever, poor deluded souls... REMEMBER: you are NOT worth less than others... they are worth less than they like to think... :) So stop trying to come up to others expectations... live happily within your own safe small world and avoid the vast insanity of "meaning" and "purpose" that has over-run the species... REMEMBER: We evolved and survived within a Small World mindset, satisfying simple needs, for countless hundreds of thousands of years... we avoided the Big World experience cause it is harmful to us... nothing has changed except peoples expectations... but for some of us, to try to get all big world minded is not a path towards our own wellbeing and survival... stop seeking to be like them out there... as i said before, the grass isnt only NOT greener, it is FAKE and POISONOUS! AVOID AND BE HAPPY!!! |
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justdoit
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-16 20:13:40 |
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"So stop trying to come up to others expectations... live happily within your own safe small world and avoid the vast insanity of "meaning" and "purpose" that has over-run the species... Everyone can learn from that, thanks TA |
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disorderguy
Joined: May 5, '09
Status: Admin |
2009-08-17 08:19:26 |
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Just to chime in, it would seem the views expressed by TotalAversion fall more toward the schizoid than the avoidant, the latter generally desiring greater social contact but feeling unable to get it. The typical avoidant or social phobic wants badly to know how to socialize and appreciates advice to that end. It may be that a cruel world has instilled fear of aggressive behavior in the sensitive--fear of rejection or judgement or ridicule. But when that fear grows to an irrational level, it leads to withdrawal from society--not the calculated and philosophical withdrawal expressed by TotalAversion, but a forced and unwanted withdrawal due to anxiety and feelings of low self-worth. And while the cruelties of others may contribute to this situation, I don't believe they are the sole cause, or that the avoidant response is the most healthy. To suggest so is simply finding a scapegoat and assigning blame. |
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Cronky
Joined: Aug 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-28 00:38:20 |
| Holy crap, can any of you write anything under 6 paragraphs? | |
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done
Joined: Aug 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-28 18:58:00 |
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I just did the test and my avoidant level was very high. I didn't actually know what that was until i came here and read all these posts and it was like...reading my own life. And now i'm just crying because...well, i don't really know why. I always thought it was just me who was like that, and not in a i'm-special kind of way but in a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me way. But i'm not relieved either because now i know i have a problem, it's real, and i have no clue or will to deal with it. I'm a master in pointing out the weaknesses in other people and telling them what they should do, and yet i'm a f---ing imbecile when it comes to my own issues. |
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done
Joined: Aug 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-28 18:58:59 |
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I just did the test and my avoidant level was very high. I didn't actually know what that was until i came here and read all these posts and it was like...reading my own life. And now i'm just crying because...well, i don't really know why. I always thought it was just me who was like that, and not in a i'm-special kind of way but in a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me way. But i'm not relieved either because now i know i have a problem, it's real, and i have no clue or will to deal with it. I'm a master in pointing out the weaknesses in other people and telling them what they should do, and yet i'm a f---ing imbecile when it comes to my own issues. |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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