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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-02 13:25:34 |
| needwayout: I feel exactly like that, I always try to smile and make conversation but I always feel awkard and there are long silences and eventually people stop trying to talk to me, they turn away during those silences and I'm left alone in the middle of talking, laughing people wondering what the f*** I'm doing here. I've always felt like an outsider, like people were speaking a special symbols language and I didn't know it and people could automatically tell I was one of the "awkard ones".. Don't know a way out of this yet but I sure need it. | |
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Unanswered Thread: What to do?! posted by Jeanine 4 hours ago |
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ladygaga
Joined: Sep 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-11 18:20:29 |
| im just glad im not the only one who feels this way. Im only 18, but ever since i can remember ive been anxious around people. going on interviews and having to talk in front of the class makes me so nervous. if a teacher told me i had a presentation due in a week, i will be thinking about it nonstop because im so nervous. i too have trouble calling people and talking on the phone. at my last job i had to awnser phones all day and i hated it, but i think when you're forced into those situations you get a chance to try and get over it. i worked retail and that means having to talk to strangers all day, i dont like it much at first but after a few months of working at a public store you kind of get used to people, and start to get better at it. i dont think i could go to a doctor and talk about it because they would probably just think im like every other person my age who is nervous. but i know this isnt normal. | |
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TrulEBlssed08
Joined: Sep 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-13 16:32:39 |
| I Know exactly where you ALL are coming from... my symptoms aren't so drastic. I started to pick up on my social anxiety my junior year in high school. PRAISE GOD I was able to find a boyfriend before things started getting crazy. He has been here for me through every up and every down. He's my only true friend. I just have the hardest time trusting anybody especially females. I think they are always trying to get with my boyfriend and take advantage of me. I try to make friends but the thought that they only call when they need something gets to me everytime.. and i just start to avoid them from then on. I'm scared t parties, I hate going into my university cafe and library, and even being around the girls in my dorm. Everybody just swears I am stuck up and mean. Truly I don't know what to say around them so I ignore them. I cry at nights just wishing i was normal. There is so much on my heart and mind that no NORMAL person will ever understand. I honestly don't know where i would be today if it wasn't for my boyfriend. He encouarges me and puts me before his own family... I Would have no life w/o him. | |
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confused1234
Joined: Sep 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-19 21:09:56 |
| I'm 15 and I am currently doing homeschool because I wanted to escape the terror of humiliation at school. I have kept my anxiety a secret but resently I have not be able to keep it below the surface. I am always scared that people won't accept me for who I am. But now I don't know who that person is that I am because anxious thoughts have changed who I was. Growing up I have never had many friends and the friends I do have critisize me. I feel like anxiety is holding me back. I just want to enjoy life and live it to the fullest I can. Maybe considering how young I am there may be hope. | |
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rainbowsrneat
Joined: Sep 23, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-23 23:49:23 |
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I have suffered from social anxiety for.. well, my entire life. I can't remember a point in my life where I was comfortable with anyone other than immediate family. I started having anxiety attacks around 12 and my schooling suffered severely. I went to see a doctor at that point, but they assumed I was making up my symptoms because I was being bullied (I wasn't). After that, I didn't admit to my disorder for another 11 years. When I was about 16, I got drunk for the first time. It was.. amazing. I was so undeniably free of my anxiety. I felt like an entirely different person. This lead to potentially dangerous side effects. Thankfully I didn't abuse this, but I wanted to. It was so tempting.. I think that's a serious risk for us anxiety ridden folks. Last year, my anxiety and panic attacks had reached the point of agoraphobia. I couldn't leave the house without liquor in my sytem or my mother by my side. I decided at that point that I really needed to deal with this. I took a couple shots and hopped into a taxi down to the doctors office. He started me on paxil (since then my dose has been increased half a dozen times, and added a benzo) and said that anxiety disorders are not easily dealt with through therapy. Given that it was such a hassle getting myself there, I agreed with him and went about my business. Now here I am a 24 year old college drop out. I managed to graduate high school despite skipping as many classes as possible. I missed out on a lot and regret not dealing with this issue sooner. I suggest anyone who is dealing with the symptoms of social anxiety speak with a professional as soon as they can. It is hard, but in the long run you'll be much better for it. |
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ArX
Joined: Sep 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-24 01:41:04 |
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I do know that when I was still on school, many many years back, I was quite shy. I didn't have any friends (though I don't have any now either), I was often bullied and I was always terrified when I had to get in front of the class to do some presentation or something like that. I never wanted to be at the center of attention. I think the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder fit my persona back then very well. I might still have some anxiety if I would have to speak to large group of people especially if they start poking with difficult questions... But definitely nothing like during my school years... Today I think is far more likely that I have Schizoid Personality... |
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FallenAngel1
Joined: Sep 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-24 21:30:15 |
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Ye i understand a lot of what u've explained. I am still curfently undiagnosed with anxiety disorder/phobia. I am extemely scared of social situations and suffer from panic attacks. I also suffer from other disorders. If any1 wnts to tlk to me, then i would love to chat. U can email me at; [no emails]. btw, these are my quiz results; Disorder | Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Low Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High xxx |
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Lost soul
Joined: Oct 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-03 12:32:03 |
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This is very difficult to write as you all can image, I am 36 years old now. I have been this way since the age of 3. I spent every chance i could alone in my room. I had no real friends then and still have none now. I was bullied all my life, which did not help, teachers included. I have been diagnosed with major depression and aviodant personality disorder. Doc says it has been life long. So I can sympathize with all of you. I have read multiple posts here but none has seemed to mention their alternate reality defense, it is very common, and you are NOT alone. All of us with this have a fantasy or alternate reality of some sort. I always thought i was weird or strange. its nice to know im not alone. It is hard, but seeking help truely is your best avenue, it is a chance worth taking. |
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nicotine_fiend
Joined: Oct 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-06 19:46:14 |
| i've been shy all my life, when i was younger i didn't have any friends. my father would actually have to read me bedtime stories about having the confidence to make friends. in junior high, i had a friend who was a girl i went to grade school with but she had many other friends, and my social life consisted of hanging out with her and her friends, but not very often. when i was in junior high and high school i created a fantasy world where i fit in with everyone and everyone wanted me around. i spent all my time alone, but this fantasy world kept me through it all. i went to a very preppy private school and i was curvy. there weren't any real fat girls at school, so i was made fun of constantly. not to mention, i had a baby face until i was 21 and have always been a few years behind my actual age in terms of maturity. i graduated highschool depressed, and was DETERMINED to become a different person in college. i started drinking heavily in my first semester, allowing me to become social with my peers. it gave me a sense of confidence and made me feel like i was worth something. then, in my second semester i got into hard drugs really bad. it was a real confidence booster and i was on cloud nine for a while, not to mention, i was having a ton of fun. it didn't matter that i was stealing from my parents, i blew through my college tuition because i had a joint account with my father that i was stealing blank checks from our house when i was home to cash to go on drug binges. it didn't matter that i was wasting my education, i failed out of school in my first year. when i came home from my freshman year, i met this friend who partied a lot too, and we caused so much trouble together. to make a very, very long story short, 3 years later my father had practically disowned me from the family. and i come from a very square family. i never thought that that would happen, at all. so i stopped the drugs and ditched my druggie friends, but it was still hard for me to socialize. i had other friends that i had made at the bar who had become good friends who weren't into drugs, but they were heavy drinkers. i turned my addiction from drugs to drinking, and i was blacking out on a nightly basis. i was driving drunk all the time, risking my life and everyone else on the road's life. well, a year and a half ago, i drank and drove for the last time. i blacked out at the wheel coming home from a bar that was a mile from my house. i took a wrong turn and i was driving around aimlessly. i hit a guardrail and drove home on two rims, it's a miracle i made it home. i didn't injure anyone or myself, so i consider myself to be very lucky. that night, i had an emotional breakdown and was sobbing for hours. my neighbors in the apartment below me had to call the cops because they thought it was a domestic dispute and when the cops got there, i couldn't even say anything except sobbing hysterically, "i'm such a disappointment". so all that happens, and that was the end of my drinking and driving. this also meant the end of my social life. i am not comfortable in my own skin. if i try to go out, i can not NOT drink, because when i'm sober i can't even carry the simplest of conversations because i'm constantly worried about what everyone thinks of me, and also that i'm not smart enough, witty enough, hip enough to contribute my opinion. i'm in a relationship of convenience because she allows me to zone out into my own world. she doesn't care that i don't share any of my true emotions with her. i mean, i can be superficially happy go lucky, but its like i'm living my life subconsciously because all the while that i am pretending to be "fine" and "happy", i'm really thinking about how miserable i am. and thats only with my girlfriend. then rest of my friends i've drawn away from. even my closest and bestest of friends. i used to smoke pot here and there, but now its something that i can not go without. its how i get away with zoning out so much, and also it makes me numb. as far as work and school performance, its hurt me too. at work, i used to be so confident in myself because i was good at my job, but because i withdrew from my friends who a lot happened to work with me, work became uncomfortable and i lost interest and energy to do my job well. i quit, claiming that i was going to focus on school. also, i went back to school about a year ago, and for the first 3 semesters i did pretty well, because the work on paper was easy. however, this semester i have had to do an internship in an office and i am having a very hard time with it. i f---ed it up and now have been very hard on myself. my feelings of self hate had appeared ten fold, and i can not even fake being happy. luckily, me and my girlfriend have had to move into seperate houses because of finances and my parents leave me to myself usually so its not that hard to go unnoticed. i've been cutting myself badly recently, and it was something that i kicked 6 years ago but did it impulsively a few weeks ago and i haven't been able to stop. i feel like i am going crazy and have been experiencing panic attacks, quietly and on my own. my biggest fear i'd have to say is that my parents or girlfriend will notice and i will have to explain myself to them. and i go to great lengths to hide my true emotions. i don't know, i am sick of feeling the way that i do, but i am scared to death to let anyone know whats going on. sometimes i feel like i might be making it up in my head because if i was feeling this bad, my body would have to have an uncontrollable reaction. but no one has noticed, so if thats the case, is anything really wrong with me? anyway, i'm sorry i have babbled my whole life story but i need to get it out and get an opinion, if possible. | |
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freedom147
Joined: Oct 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-14 12:56:08 |
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to natalieeee : awww :( i totally understand, all i can say is i give you praise for at least trying to date and keep attempting lol. I really understand your feelings :( infact, I feel that way too w/ friends lol, or sometimes I don't know how to present myself. Just wanted to let you know ur feelings are understood and my heart goes out to you! =) -stacie btw, currently am working on my social phobia as well w/ a counselor & "Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", which has helped me tremendously & i reccomend. |
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freedom147
Joined: Oct 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-14 13:25:36 |
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to natalieeee : awww :( i totally understand, all i can say is i give you praise for at least trying to date and keep attempting lol. I really understand your feelings :( infact, I feel that way too w/ friends lol, or sometimes I don't know how to present myself. Just wanted to let you know ur feelings are understood and my heart goes out to you! =) -stacie btw, currently am working on my social phobia as well w/ a counselor & "Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", which has helped me tremendously & i reccomend. |
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Bird
Joined: Oct 15, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-15 18:43:51 |
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I am always very frightened in social situations. I recently joined a forum which requires names and I found myself profusely apologising to the other people and asking them not to be offended when we were not having a heated discussion. I felt we were and one of them emailed me telling me to chill. Online it is hard to talk to people because it s easier to read the wrong tone into their words. When I am not on my medicine I get so worried and frightened that I cannot eat and vomit bile several times a day. I spent some time in a psyche hospital where I did this because I was so frightened of the other patients. I feel bad for the amount of time I spend calling the city's crisis line. |
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freedom147
Joined: Oct 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-18 02:38:33 |
| I'm just so glad I found a social anxiety forum, lol. Maybe somehow, we can all help and encourage one another to get better :) I am actually on a website called experieceproject.com. If anyone is on there, go ahead and send me a message ill pm or email you my sn on there :) | |
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jtg
Joined: Oct 18, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-18 22:41:06 |
| for me, the absolute worst thing is that i have to ability to act completely normal, and noone has any damn idea what's going on inside. then when i do tell someone they don't seem to believe me, or understand just how severe it is. i've been doing drugs and drinking for years. when i was in high school i just attributed it to fun but as i got older i realized that the only way for me be around people was to 'party'. now i'm 33 and have serious alcohol issues on top of it all. i just wish more people understood what all of this is like. | |
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nicotine_fiend
Joined: Oct 2, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-19 18:40:44 |
| oh my god jtg, say no more! i completely understand you and its like, i've gone through that my whole life! except for the past year i haven't even been going out at all because of an incident that happened while i was drinking and driving. now i just smoke pot all by myself and have completely isolated everyone that i used to associate with out completely basically. i had a serious drinking and narcotic problem for about 5 years. quit the drugs because my parents were going to cut me off financially and disown me and then drinking until the afformentioned event last year. but like i said, now i smoke pot whenever i get the chance and drink about 1-3 gin and tonics a night. its funny though, like, i am realizing i am an addict while i am on the least amount of s---, and creating the least amount of trouble. except for trouble in my mind because it gives me entirely too much time to think. not such a good thing. but going back to the original topic.. because i've spent all my life pretending to be happy and carefree people have no idea what i'm really going through and i don't know, i feel like they aren't going to believe me when i tell them... | |