Thread Topic: Yet another post...
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blackbird
Joined: Jul 7, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-07 14:29:26 |
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Hopefully I can give you guys some new views into some things, otherwise this will be just another "this is my illness" - post. I have been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. I guess avoidant disorder applies too. I consider my depression to be only the cause of the real problem. Depression, for me, is a natural reaction to an unbearable situation. I have no friends, and I'm a high school dropout. My story is a rather traditional one. Most of my self confidence was literally beaten out of me during school, well, the first 9 years of it, at least. My parents didn't really have much parenting skills. When I was 4, my father was the best father in the world. Things went downhill between me and him as I grew older. Funny as hell, giving a speech in public, e.g. a presentation in front of the class has never been a problem for me. I guess it was the only way I "permitted" myself to speak to people I could never speak to otherwise. Also, I prepared my presentations carefully, and I chose subjects that I was _very_ much interested in. Giving a presentation is not a conversation. Having a conversation with others, let alone starting one, is impossible for me. I can give an excellent presentation, and after that, continue "enjoying" the usual feelings of shame, guilt, self loathing, shyness, fear and so on. Therapy hasn't really helped me. Well, maybe I know now what this is all about, but that's it. And drugs... I've tried several, and all they have done is cause my digestive system to go haywire, effectively waking me up every single f****n night. They can't rewrite my thoughts and feelings. My point? I can only think one, apart from my need to vent. Don't let bullying continue, no matter what your role is - victim, witness or a parent. |
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Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 19 hours ago |
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HaBliq
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-01 03:30:53 |
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Hey blackbird-- I'm with you: bullying is very wrong because of how seriously damaging it can be. I'm so so sorry you had it so tough. I can't exactly relate--I've been bullied (like, a couple times--probably more, but I was too introverted to notice!), but never beaten up. However, I witnessed severe bullying and it's one of my greatest regrets I never did anything about it (though as a shy, very small girl, and a bit dim-witted, I'm not sure what I could have done!). Still, it was very much not cool. I sometimes fantasize what I might do as a somewhat more self-assured adult, but as yet no such circumstance has presented itself... |
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HaBliq
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-01 04:00:31 |
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Also I wanted to mention I relate to the being able to give presentations, etc., yet not being able to have a conversation. When I was younger, in school, I lived in a shell of shyness--often you could count the number of words I said in a day on your fingers, at least outside the classroom. But in a structured environment like in most classes, I wasn't that bashful. I could raise my hand and ask the teacher questions, or answer questions, and even be the leader of a group or go on a stage and be perfectly comfortable, but only if I knew what I was doing. But as soon as the kids started talking about music, or TV, or something outside the text books or range of structured speech, I was completely lost. Anyway, there is the two types of social anxieties--crowds vs. small groups. Probably different names for them, too... Also, I'm depressed too. Probably Bipolar II Disorder. So it's probably different. It sounds like depression is your natural reaction to your life's difficulties and disappointments (for which you have my sincerest sympathies!!). For me, it's basically how I was born as. But I do wonder, how closely might depression and social anxiety be linked? Is depression always caused (or exacerbated) by social anxiety, or could social anxiety be a side-effect of depression? Can you have one without the other? |
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Unanswered Thread: My results posted by lucky13 4 days ago |
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