Thread Topic: confused in massive amounts
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-13 00:45:54 |
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i have been confused about who i am what i am for almost my whole life. i have difficulty sticking to something. i frequently change my mind about things, including careers, college major, clothing style. In social situations I often conform to the scene. You could say I have a lack of personality because of how I switch it, yet i get along great with people and am often liked by everyone. I also find I like to be alone and my romantic relationships have never meant much to me other than what the other person can offer. I refrain from sexual activities with my partner and usual believe it is because of the emotions they have for me. when i question my morals and emotions they are barely there. i feel like a body that is not quite human on the inside. like i am acting around others bc i truly do not care what they think or feel but feel the need to hide my inner self in order to fit in and not cause alarm. i do not care for others feelings and have very few friends and only have those friends either because they made a huge effort to be my friend or because they have been my friend for a very long time. i would really not care whether i ever saw or talked to them again because they do not really offer me anything someone else couldn't. also, i am inside my mind a lot. i fantasize about magical things and sometimes believe i could have superhuman abilities if i tried to. i am also very conceited when i am alone. i am great at hiding my true feelings and lying when necessary. i have periods of hyperactivity and i often speed in my car because i like the rush of adrenaline. lastly, i fantasize about being attacked by men and getting to kill them in self defense. anyone have any idea because i wish to understand myself better in order to move forward in my life. |
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Unanswered Thread: Cyclothymia posted by Darkman33 6 minutes ago |
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-13 01:00:04 |
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after reading this over i feel like there are a few more things i should add in order to get a response that could possible help. i forgot to mention that i consider myself above most people. i think i am smarter than everyone i know. i hate to be bored, i find it the worst feeling in the world. i believe that i will be famous and well known no matter what i do, i do not care if i am famous for good things or bad. i also have peculiar sexual fantasy despite my almost nonexistent sexual life with my partner. i am only loyal to my partner because if they found out they would leave and right now they offer me things that i do not wish to lose. and just in case you forgot through all this spilling i am very charismatic and everyone likes me. like i said i feel like an actor, and truly i am. i think that is all, lol. |
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hamangar
Joined: May 29, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-16 12:22:20 |
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Hei henrietta, I recognize myself in almost everything you wrote. I feel that everyone is undermining me, and I often blame others. I find myself lieing about even the smallest things even though I had no reason to lie. I had once a fantasy about strangling my teacher. I did not know why I wanted to that, but everytime I saw her I felt like smashing her head in with a blunt object or something. I have a strange fascination of fire, and my room is full of ashes. I think we two are quite simillar |
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Jack
Joined: Jul 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-01 18:08:56 |
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I also recognize myself in what henrietta wrote. - I have Narcissistic traits, in that I hold myself in high regard as well as having fantasies of being famous, wealthy and lusted - I regularly steal, I've been caught as a child stealing from a store and I also steal from friends and family, only reason I have not committed a bigger crime is in fear of being caught and the concequences - I only truly care about myself and wouldn't put one person before myself however I manage to convey generosity across to friends and family with small favours which wouldnt affect me so much yet i still get praised for. - Rarely plan further than a month ahead and even if I do my mind will change those plans over time, I can never set my mind on one path. - I lie for no reason other than to earn respect or praise sometimes not even for that. I don't share my personal feelings with others - I imagine killing someone out of curiosity of how i would feel, mostly i feel as though i could go through with it and not feel as affected by it as an average person may. - I have close friends yet I wouldn't care if they left for good, this has already happened throughtou my life and I did not get upset or affected by it. - I find it hard to connect with strangers, maybe perhaps it is because I don't know ow to interact with someone i know nothing about. I can't ask them about anythign in their life or discuss, a lot of the time if it is just me and someone else there will be periods of silence frequently and i will have to leave the room or i get anxious. |
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-03 16:48:16 |
| Yes I agree | |
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-03 16:56:52 |
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Well that posted before I was finished. But yes I agree that you both sound like me. It is refreshing to hear other people feel, or lack there of, as I do. I grow tired of putting on a face of a normal person for others. Have either one of you come to this frustration I have? I wish I had others around me who are like me. Someone I could truly share everything I am actually thinking with, without scaring them away. It seems most people think one way, and I happen to think another way. |
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seanrock
Joined: Jul 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-08 21:28:04 |
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Henrietta, Reading your thread has finally given me the opportunity to be honest with myself, my feelings and behaviors. I can certainly relate with most of your comments and want to pay particular attention to the unfounded feelings of being above anyone and everyone. The difficulty and confusion however comes when the feelings of complete inadequacy set in. A more accurate description of myself would be an 'egotistical maniac with an inferiority complex' (it just rolls of the tongue). The selfishness and delusions of grandeur are never ending. Fortunately, I have found a solution that has brought some relief as I struggle to both relate to and care for others. While my nature is to look after my own needs, I have discovered that volunteering my time in order to help someone else has given my brain a break from thinking about #1. This 'vacation from my insanity' however short it may be (an hour or two per week) has created a window - an opportunity to grow outside of myself. With that being said, it's a process and it takes time. Fortunately, we are the lucky ones. Many antisocial sufferers have the inability to be honest with themselves and are clueless to the fact that they are different. We have at least recognized our shortcomings - that our feelings and behaviors are not normal and potentially destructive to our well being. I wish you the best and feel comforted that I am not the only one feeling this way. Thank you for your uninhibited honesty. |
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248444
Joined: Jul 9, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-09 05:03:44 |
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I normally do not reply to what people say on the internet but I'd really like to say thank you for what you wrote. When I was reading your thread and came across: "...have very few friends and only have those friends either because they made a huge effort to be my friend or because they have been my friend for a very long time" I realized that it's the exact same thing with me and reading the rest of what you said kept me with my mouth open the entire time because I could relate so much and am someone who can barely relate to others. Feeling like a body that isn't quite human on the inside, inside my mind a lot, fantasizing about magical things, great at hiding my true feelings and lying when necessary, periods of hyperactivity and I often speed in my car because I like the rush of adrenaline, and fantasizing about being attacked by men and getting to kill them in self defense. The last one is a reoccurring daydream I have had for years. Thanks for posting. |
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248444
Joined: Jul 9, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-09 05:47:00 |
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I normally do not reply to what people say on the internet but I'd really like to say thank you for what you wrote. When I was reading your thread and came across: "...have very few friends and only have those friends either because they made a huge effort to be my friend or because they have been my friend for a very long time" I realized that it's the exact same thing with me and reading the rest of what you said kept me with my mouth open the entire time because I could relate so much and am someone who can barely relate to others. Feeling like a body that isn't quite human on the inside, inside my mind a lot, fantasizing about magical things, great at hiding my true feelings and lying when necessary, periods of hyperactivity and I often speed in my car because I like the rush of adrenaline, and fantasizing about being attacked by men and getting to kill them in self defense. The last one is a reoccurring daydream I have had for years. Thanks for posting. |
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Lean
Joined: Jul 16, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-16 11:59:46 |
| Wow. Aside from a few minor things, all of you have pretty much just described my personality to a tee. | |
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suzy
Joined: Jul 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 01:21:00 |
| I have always known I was special or should be considered special. I've always felt superior in intelligence to most everyone around me and make a point to point it out. I've often wished I could have magical powers or pretended I have. I lie all the time. I steal on occasion. I've used sex as a means to get something and can go from partner to partner without batting an eye. I am gregarious with people but prefer to be alone. I don't really care for people or what they think/feel, it's a nuisance. I have "friends" but could really care less if I see or talk to them. I rarely talk to my extended family members. I'm married, but it wouldn't bother me in the least to see him walk out the door. The only thing I do seem to care about are my children, I think they are the only thing that keep me human. I'm different and I know I am. I get tired of pretending to be normal & sometimes go for days wanting to be alone. I need help, I'm not sure what to do.... | |
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-27 13:22:46 |
| why do you need help? | |
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johnnyonly
Joined: Jul 29, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-29 17:33:15 |
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I suspect when he each take a introspective look into ourselves, we would all look antisocial. We check the morale, and the only redeeming reason for not committing an impulsive act is the consequences. Even that only qualifies as much as the consequences are insufferable otherwise it's just another of life's annoyances. I suggest that decadent, antisocial behaviors like killing, stealing, abusing, manipulating without a conscience are more common than not, and that too much attention is given to the clinically insane! Maybe we're all Sociopathic... and when we all are, no one is. If you feel as I do, drop me a line [no emails] |
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henrietta
Joined: Jun 13, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-07-30 11:21:32 |
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I disagree. I find that most others have emotions and feelings that i can't quite understand that they understand perfectly.there is also the concept of love that everyone else seems to feel yet i have found myself quite incapable. Everyone is capable of some dick characteristics, but only certain people are emotional void. Sociopaths are empty inside, constantly numb and bored. So yeah you can feel like strangling your boss when he yells at you, but a sociopath needs to strangle someone without a care who the person is to feel alive and excited. |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-30 11:31:44 |
| I could definitely relate to many things you said. I feel like I'm trapped inside my body, an ugly, fat, clumsy human's body when I should be something else, something like a beautiful, dark, gleaming sprite. I feel like nothing I say or do reflects who I really am, and I must keep it this way, I must hide my true self and continue this charade in order to be accepted by society, because society would never accept who I was. They would hate me and chase me out for being insane and crazy and psychopathic. But many times, my self gets so stifled, I feel like I'm suffocating, and the only way I can escape is through my fantasies and dreams, through my imagination, through imagining to be someone else, in order to feel at one with myself. All my friends are a lie, because they only know my outer shell. No one knows the inner me, the true me. I long so much for someone who can get past my outside self, my outer body, someone who can reach through to my true self in understanding and maybe even love. But all I've seen seems to suggest it'll never happen. I'm holding on for now, but it gets very hard sometimes. | |
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Unanswered Thread: my test posted by Mark777 6 hours ago |
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