Thread Topic: Anti Social or Borderline or Both?
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Mirage
Joined: Oct 30, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-30 07:04:05 |
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I have a teenager who has been in and out of hospitals since the age of 12. She is now almost 16. She lies, steals, hurts others, has no remorse. Skips school, refuses to do any thing positive for herself. She superficially cuts her arm then shows everyone for attention. She threatens to hurt herself, others and to run away if she doesn't get what she wants. She has lived in and out of our home never staying more that a few weeks because she doesn't want any consequences for her actions. She wants to be able to do what she wants, when she wants. She has no friends. Other kids in a cooking class wanted her out of their group because they all believe she put soap in the pancake batter when they weren't looking. Her therapists say she is BPD but I believe she is APD because she enjoys hurting others and often says she hurts people because she doesn't care about anyone because they "make her mad" and likes it. We had to lock the door to the main level at night because she was getting up in the middle of the night "lurking around" and stealing from everyone. We have 7 other children in the home that are "afraid" of her and says she is mean. She gets in fights and is physically aggressive. Why are the therapists so afraid to diagnose her correctly? I believe BPD is just mainly wanting to hurt yourself and unstable relationships with erratic mood swings. She never has mood swings she just "gets you back" if you do anything she doesn't like. Ideas and suggestions are welcome. |
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Unanswered Thread: Cyclothymia posted by Darkman33 6 minutes ago |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-30 12:54:26 |
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Hahaha, SEVEN children? Wow. It sounds to me you had way too many than you could support and that one didnt get enough personal space and couldnt always get what she wanted since she had 6 other siblings that also needed attention. Tell us a little about her history. Was she always like this or graduated to this point only recently? |
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Mirage
Joined: Oct 30, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-30 13:22:48 |
| I'm not even going to bother now. I got on this forum to get some valuable advice and I'm just getting ridiculed. I know plenty of people who have fewer children and doing much worse. Every family has problems no matter the size. Common sense would tell you that by the fact that she is the only one with problems while everyone else in the home is doing well. We make a good living and take very good care of our children. I am a stay at home mom and I'm always available for every single child. I make sure of it, that's why I'm here when they leave for school and here when they come home. No one has ever been in daycare. So telling me that she didn't get enough attention is bull, she just wants ALL attention ALL the time. Nevermind anyone else. | |
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Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-30 14:24:48 |
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Well you didn't give us a background on your parenting, so ignore what Synapse said, but if you have seven other children, of whom thee are in the gifted program, you must have done something right! But maybe she feels left-out, fighting for your attention. Now i'm not saying you're not giving her any, but she might feel that way. Have you tried to speak with her regarding it? Well you probably have but i know *nothing* on parenting, so i'm sorry i couldn't be more help to you. |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-30 15:13:52 |
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Mirage, how did I ridicule you? I was totally neutral. You bet your ass that parents with few children can f--- up big time too. I was an only child and my parents, well, failed in every aspect of parenting that I had to raise myself since day one. Even if you at home all day and spend lots of time with your 7 kids, you gotta admit that at least a couple of them wont be getting some attention they feel like they really need at the moment, and will feel left out. Maybe the girl feels such because the rest of them are smart and excelling at school and she thinks you all think of her less because she isnt living up to her sibling's standards, so she feels insecure and its her way of crying out for attention. As I said, give us some background on her personal history. Was it always the case or did it just happen recently? |
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Tyne
Joined: Oct 31, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-31 05:25:38 |
| Mirage, I feel for you and what your family is going through. To the others in the forum, my goodness, Hip and Synapse what are you doing! This woman is asking for help and the best your ignorance can come up with is that she must be a s..ty parent! What projection!!! Mirage your child is suffering and is enjoying creating suffering around her. Im not a doctor, just another person trying to understand anothers personality disorders, but may I suggest that you get as many medical opinions as possible. It may require a family response (change behaviors or support factors), her behaviors may be influenced by diet, drugs or there may be a chemical imbalance. Irrespective, I wish you luck and hope that your entire family finds peace and a combined supported outcome. | |
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fate
Joined: Nov 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-12 12:30:19 |
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I once was almost exacly like your daughter, though I was an only child. I was constantly running away from home, using drugs, stealing, etc. Most people did not like me, and I didn't care. It had nothing to do with abuse, nor does it come from a "chemical imbalance." My problem (living in a world of obsequious morons) is reflected in the utter didsain I feel toward anyone for assuming that those might have been the causes. You must be thinking of a different disorder! Now I am marrried. I have a large family, and am a responsible member of society. People respect me (they dont have to know my opinion of them.) I still think that they are just a bunch of chumps, but at least I am not killing them, or putting soap in their pancakes. I am still indifferent when they face tragedies, or whatever. What changed? Only my ideals. I stopped thinking that I should act depraved just because I can "get away with it." Seriously, people are so dumb, I could probaly get away with anything. I decided that I would get for myself those things which society most scorns: love, success, and freedom. It occurred to me also that I was more fit for breeding, so I chose a mate based on his intelligence and physical health, and we produced a few superior children. They don't have to struggle with any of those hurdles I had as a child in dealing with my unenlightened folks, trying to test the limits of what can be "gotten away" with. They can get away with anything, even deciding for themselves what is good. |
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haart
Joined: Oct 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 02:58:17 |
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It sounds like you want your daughter to have a disorder. I am 16 and I am suspected to have APD. You need to show your daughter that you love her, what's more, you need to start being a parent. You said that she moves in and out of home, you allow this? Take charge, make her hate you, sacrifice a bit to protect her. I might sound abraisive, but you need to stop forcing diagnosises on her and treat her like your other children. You can't have favourites. The way you wrote that three of your children were in the "gifted program" gave me the impression that you've ranked your kids. Perhaps the real problem lies with her not getting the attention that she needs, I know that's partly my problem. Then again, there are some people that are just d*ckheads. So go ahead, slap a diagnonsense on her, distance her from your wholesome little family. My advice: Be the loving, caring but strict parent that she needs right now, and I hope for both your sakes that things turn around. Just being the APD kid. |
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haart
Joined: Oct 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 02:59:53 |
| oh, and synapse said it better than anyone. | |
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Jack the Knife
Joined: Nov 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 15:44:13 |
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solidface
Joined: Nov 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 23:00:06 |
| It sounds as if you have an emotionally chaotic family setting. I don't see how it can't be with so many children. It makes sense that with so many children, you can't be everywhere at once. With the patterns both individuals and households fall into, it can't be easy to know exactly what's going on with all of your kids every second, even if you think you do. I'm trying not to judge you or your parenting but it's difficult because like a lot of people, I think some of the decisions my parents made about my mental health early on were irresponsible and shortsighted and it's difficult not to judge or hold a grudge against them. I think one problem might be that parents create ideas of who their children are that aren't always accurate. My parents have always done this but I'm not as easily able to show them who I really am unless I'm having an outburst/episode or whatever you want to call it and they tend to deny those after the fact. Other people making assumptions can anger anyone but it seems as though it especially aggravates people with ASPD. Focusing on your daughter as a person and trying to get to know her for who she is might help things. Also, running the household on a tight schedule and making sure everyone interracts together as a family group could help her to feel more included, especially if/when she has an outburst, everyone is patient with her and doesn't react with fear or anger but everyone is different. I could understand if direct interraction with the whole family didn't work but running the house on a schedule really might help. I do a lot better if I can follow the clock and know when things are happening, even if it's subconcious. It helps me stay focused and not get too lost in my head or so bored that I have to go looking for trouble. External chaos is the worst thing for internal chaos, at least in my case. I would only think you were a ****** parent if gave up on her. I wish you and your entire family the best. | |
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tazcharlie
Joined: Dec 1, '09
Status: New User |
2010-01-04 14:28:40 |
| bad parenting. Seriously, if my sister carried on the way she is now, she would be pretty similar. And yes, she IS deciplined, its just family problems.. so yeah, maybe try treating her with respect instead go saying to everyone 'WHATS WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER?' .. | |
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Scoutabout
Joined: Jan 14, '10
Status: Junior User |
2010-01-25 22:00:45 |
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Do you criticize your daughter endlessly? Is nothing she does ever good enough? Do you ever praise her for anything? People can get very messed up in the head when all they hear is how "bad" they are (stupid, lazy, inept, etc.). You don't even have to say those words to make them feel worthless. Once a child is made to feel worthless - they do one of two things: They either act out in aggressive and anti-social ways, or they withdraw completely into a shell and come out only when absolutely neccessary. I'm sorry - but if you have not questioned your own behaviors and how you raised your daughter, you have not taken the first step. If you find after that that you indeed did your best, fine. But your resistance to being questioned and questioning yourself bothers me. I had a son that misbehaved badly. I had to question myself and admit to my mistakes and begin to correct them. If you aren't willing to do the same, then don't expect things to get better, for in your own way, you are acting in a way that's just as harmful. |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2010-01-30 12:57:06 |
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"How do I get someone to recognize what I believe?" I think this speaks for itself. |
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LethalAmbrosia
Joined: Jan 29, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-31 00:04:08 |
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"SHE THREATENS" "She lies" "She gets" I haven't noticed any "my daughter".Only "she" versus "our home".So she's being held like an outcast,i wonder if you adopted her,or had her for social support only .Maybe all those other 7 kids will someday tie u up ,soak you with gasoline and set you on fire,by pure 'coincidence' |
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Unanswered Thread: my test posted by Mark777 6 hours ago |
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