A Thought Has Just Entered My Head - As It Is An Inside Job!

Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-28 02:04:23
	The greatest obstacle to emotional growth is the inability to step outside of ones shoes and attempt to put themselves in the shoes of another. I am attempting this right now. Many are victimized and were not given the proper tools to deal with the events happening in their lives. When young, we model others. There is no other way and who we model in our formative years is also pretty clear. Then, there are genetic factors which can increase the severity of perception, in effect a double whammy and which none of us chose and very few of us as children are capable of healthily dealing with the events. So many detach from the emotional pain. I personally use logic to create the connection. My childish decisions to do things were no match for my adult logic when I began to question myself. I would presume it is the same for you. Why are they less important than me? In the beginning I took it to smaller events and "grew the understanding method up". But you may have to find your own avenue. Then I use acts to strengthen it. The reality is that it does work for me. I use it for thinking AND acts. But it takes work in the beginning because it is untrained, and there are not many of us who are willing to do the kind of hard work necessary. It’s far easier to define targets, even if we are the target, as I did for most of my life. For another type the question might be, "Why should others bear the brunt of these displaced emotions"? I ask myself, “why should others feel the effect of the emotions I portray to get my wants fulfilled”? This was a triple whammy for me!! Pretending the emotions, damaging others and seeing myself better than them. For me it was “because these things had been done to me” and also because of the inherent power such acts bring one. I believe that there is only one way down that hole and one way up. The way down is simply called fear and protection as the child ran down the hole with the degree of the characteristics being the depth of the hole. Now the way up is called Empathy. Here's the kicker and those who read through this will get the kernel here. For those who scan by, well such is life. I post this in the middle because those who scan by need not waste their time and minimal focus. . . Empathy is an external sharing of feelings from one person to another. That feeling of being understood, when shared by understanding another will create the conduit that will let those reactive and damaging energies out. But first I needed to remove the past as a control of the present and determiner of the future. That is the hold. That is the glue that binds minds lock to chain. Empathy is the antithesis of that, our damage. Thus it is the reliever, even for those of my kind. It’s an embracing of self with a connection to understanding others that makes the healing possible. There is a personal connection to that energy. It has been the comforting blanket whenever the baser emotions come creeping up. Is one willing to let it go? There's the rub!
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-28 11:01:04
	Derrick, I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel many people can be helped with this particular post, if they can follow and understand it. An excellent post, indeed.
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-28 11:52:37
	I posted this in the area where I do not expect many responses. I know that when I was younger I would not have either. The flat affect is a hard nut to crack. (pun intended) *s*
odette Joined: Apr 19, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-28 12:00:48
	You were right to think that many would not be able to be open to tour post. I don't believe that I can sympathize with others. Maybe age will facilitate this.
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-28 12:16:31
	"I don't believe that I can sympathize with others. " Sympathy is a feeling and as such is not the way to go with attempting to create that connection Odette. Empathy is a tool that will allow understanding, not sympathy. I have no sympathy for anyone. I can never remember any either.
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-30 13:20:56
	Derrick "I have no sympathy for anyone. I can never remember any either" I read this over and over......... I have no sympathy either. I've acted as if I had, for the sake of the person in question. This is such wasted emotional energy. So, are we much better off without this emotion? People have always thought I was "sick" because I lack sympathy. Now, I feel as if it's a strength, instead of a weakness. I am coming to learn, that emotions, play so much into our state of misery. The old saying"misery loves company"-----why would someone want company when they are miserable? I sure don't. Please explain. I can't seem to grasp this.
Cindy Joined: Mar 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-30 14:31:07
	Schizo, I know you are asking Derrick, and he is so smart...but I want to say something about the "misery loves company" quote, then he can give a better answer. I mean that to be a sincere compliment toward Derrick. Anyway, when the Post Office talks of adding to all the routes in my station, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one being singled out. It is a "we are in this together" feeling. It IS miserable, but we can take it with more ease, knowing others are in this with us. It may not be right, but it is true for most people to feel this way. I may be wrong, lol.
Cindy Joined: Mar 22, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-30 14:38:16
	Derrick, I get what you wrote, in an abstract way. I am not like you but I sense your empathy toward my situations, and I appreciate that. Schizo,in my mind, you are a lot like Derrick. You don't seem to act in malace but rather seem to come here to help. I admire people that can come from hardship and make something lovely through their experiences. That is all I wanted to contribute. You said a mouthful, Derrick. I like to see what you are going to say next:) I am on my knees waiting for my carpet to dry and not wanting tp put a chair on the floor just yet. Gotta go. OUCH!
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-30 16:02:49
	"Schizo,in my mind, you are a lot like Derrick." I agree now, however when I was young I was coming from anger, much like another on this forum. I built pathways in my mind that immediately jump into the fray. For one such as I to be able to have connections with other people that transgress the anti-social behavior of isolation is a tell for anyone who says they "can" not. Can signifies ability and I say, "I Did". @1_schizo_grl Won't is a different thing entirely. It signifies choice, not ability. For example, I can not run a five minute mile. It's an impossibility for me. But if I could and chose not to then it is a choice. I hope all choose a path of connection rather than rejection. I think you have a far greater chance to compliment and internalize empathy to create a life, rather than a living death. I have, with the practice I have done and you have read some of it, found times when with people in a group and socializing, using empathy and playing cards, eating a meal and laughing at things experienced a spiritual connection and a deep emotional "contentment". Like a flower blooming. Opening up. This is an AMAZING feeling. A connective feeling. I can not explain it other than to say it is FAR STRONGER than ANY ANGER I have ever had. "So, are we much better off without this emotion?" I think we are much worse off without this one, and the other emotions. I think you have a far greater chance to compliment and internalize empathy to create a life, rather than a living death. Isolating ones self from real social connection is a soul killer to my view.
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-04-30 19:08:32
	"I read this over and over.." So, what you did, was take that single sentence out of context and use it to shore up your belief and using rote memorization to affix it to your belief for long term purposes. That sentence was to show that there is more than one way to attack a problem. But attack it I must and so I find another way, not use that way that does not work to support my desire to "not" have it work. Ironic? For me, this is not a good method, yet I did it as well. It created far more damage that I had to unravel. Hopefully you find this path at a younger age than I.
1_schizo_grl Joined: Mar 15, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-01 09:11:13
	Derrick Yes, I did miss it, and I clearly understand. I took the sentence, as if it were a security blanket, to allow myself to continue on the way I am, and to possibly, reassure myself, that I am just fine the way I am. I really missed that one, didn't I? I see now, where I was in error of thinking. I so pleased you made me aware of my mistake. Goodness, it's so easy to miss something. Once I see where I am wrong, I am willing to change my thinking. I just need new directions. Surely I am capable of learning "new tricks" Now, I see where you meant, when you said that in order to learn new tricks, one must set the environment to wish to change. I am getting close to understanding what you are trying to teach me?
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-01 12:48:10
	But you are smart and willing to look at yourself. It is my personal view that you will do well. I personally find people with the characteristic I find lacking. I model them until I learn what I lack. It's the best way I know to act my way into right thinking. "I am getting close to understanding what you are trying to teach me? " You have your answer already, and it comes from your own mind. You just have not yet fleshed it out. You have already understood the new trick. You are in the present with that understanding. Good on you!
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-01 14:05:17
	We all miss our main defects 1_shizo_grl. The trick is to see them when logically dissected by others. We can not fix the mind with the decisions we made as children and continue on with as adults. The adult, to my view, must haul the decisions up from their acts and logically dissect them. You need little direction and move with great agility when you see the logic. That is your greatest strength to my view.
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-01 14:07:37
	The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small. - Witter Bynner It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - Gilbert Keith Chesterton, The Scandal of Father Brown (The Point of a Pin) What we're saying today is that you're either part of the solution or you're part of the problem. - Eldridge Cleaver, in a speech in San Francisco Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. - Rene Descartes, Discours de la Methode We only think when we are confronted with a problem. - John Dewey A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem. - Albert Einstein Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. - Albert Einstein No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. - Albert Einstein Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. - Albert Einstein The mere formulation of a problem is far more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skills. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science. - Albert Einstein The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. - Albert Einstein The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. - Albert Einstein You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. - Albert Einstein A problem is a chance for you to do your best. - Duke Ellington When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. - Richard Buckminster Fuller The solution of every problem is another problem. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe It would be naive to think that the problems plaguing mankind today can be solved with means and methods which were applied or seemed to work in the past. - Mikhail Sergeevich Gorbachev
Derrick Joined: Mar 26, '10 Status: Junior User	2010-05-01 14:09:20
	Why did Einstein repeat this statement in so many different ways?
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